Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV. And don't forget to check out everything Tony Hinchcliffe at TonyHinchcliffe.com. And the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas, go to SunsetStripATX.com. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redmayne coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchclap!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? We're back, motherfuckers. Make some noise for Red Band, everybody. Hi, everybody. Ooh la la. Joui, joui, joui. Welcome to the number one live podcast in the world.
Brought to you by Gel Blaster, The Red Rose, Yellow Rose, Austin Security Guard Service, Hall Law Firm, NinjaBuses.com, and Connect Mobile Health, which provides IV drips in case you're ever hung over. And MichaelLair.Threadless.com. They're spreading his ashes this week. The late, great... Michael Lehrer. Go buy a T-shirt.
Represent the great nurse slash girlfriends out there representing, carrying on his... There you go. Rest in peace, Michael Lehrer. Former regular, first Hall of Famer. And how about a hand for the fucking band, huh? Aren't they unbelievable? Stronger than ever. That's the great Raul Vallejo on the trombone. Carlos Sosa on the saxophone. Michael Gonzalez on the drums.
The bicycle mechanic Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And God damn it, Dee Madness on the bass guitar. Holy shit. Do we have an unbelievable episode ready for y'all tonight? But before we do, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open.
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Chapter 2: What special announcement is made during the episode?
Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
You guys ready to start tonight's episode or what? Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Doesn't get much more fun than this. Two of the best comedians on planet Earth. Ladies and gentlemen, how exciting. From some of your favorite movies, from some of your favorite podcasts, from some of your favorite stand-up fucking everything.
We got it all here tonight as I present to you the great and powerful Harlan Williams and Giannis Pappas, everybody. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Harlan motherfucking Williams. Giannis Pappas back in the mix. Giannis. Welcome, Giannis. Pull out your cell phone. You got some networking to do while you're here. You son of a bitch. Harlan Williams, first time on this show.
We wanted him for ten and a half years. We got him here tonight.
Just for the record, first and last, give me a hand, last time on this show. Can I say something real quick before we introduce Yanni's Papas? Because I want to say it's a special night for me here tonight. My little sister, about three weeks ago, my father, he has anger issues, and he threw a boiling pot of cauliflower cheddar soup in her face, and she had third-degree burns.
And I want to say tonight, not only am I doing this, but she's out of the hospital, gang. Yes!
Cauliflower soup. Party time. That's a reason to celebrate. Giannis, how's your sister doing?
Yeah, I don't have one. She's okay, but my brother's special needs, and he's still special needs. I love it.
That's also something to be... What kind of special needs is he? He has a brain injury from birth, so it's hilarious.
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Chapter 3: What personal story does a guest share about a family member?
Yeah. You can't fix those burns that he has. They're there forever. They're on the inside. Well, yeah, they're on the inside.
Yep. Yep. There's no cauliflower soup in the world that's going to help that one.
Tell that to Freddy Krueger. Look at that guy. His face looks like someone boiled a nut bag on a holiday in Radiator.
We're gonna have fun tonight. Giannis has done this show a few times. Harland, it's your first time. Other than a few regulars that write and perform a new minute every week, we have a bucket absolutely filled with comedians' names. They're hoping to get the opportunity to do 60 seconds on this stage here tonight. And if I pull their name out, they get that.
You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And that just interrupts them. And we start an interview process. I ask them a bunch of questions. And then we do whatever we want. We have some fun.
If you have any fat comedians, maybe you might want to change this up and get a bucket of chicken. Hello. No doubt about it.
No doubt about that. And there are a lot of fat comedians. You're going to see them here tonight. No doubt about it. But before we get to our first bucket pool of the night, I think it's only right that we start the show the way that we always have, ladies and gentlemen. This man coming off of an excruciatingly controversial fucking...
unbelievably controversial victory in an arena to reclaim his position as a regular. He won. A lot of people are up in arms about it, but we love him. We do. We fucking love him with all of our hearts. We raised him right here like a little pup. He moved from his van to being an all-around wild success. You guys know the words?
Thank you.
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Chapter 4: How do the comedians interact with the audience?
All right, thank you.
Hans Kim coming back strong. 60 seconds. Does it every week. Right back at it. It's all happening. A great set. This is true. Your girlfriend really broke up with you. Yes. And what was the context of this breakup?
I actually broke up with her. Okay, all right. I should have done that before the arena. Damn, that was a good set. Fuck. But... Yeah, it was... I felt like she was very beautiful and she's not used to being told no and I'm not used to saying no, so I would just go hang out with her all the time and I didn't have time for my life and my podcast that I have. You didn't have time for...
Honey, I gotta do this thing for an hour once a week. I don't know if this is gonna work. You know the thing with no script where I just sit down with a friend in my underwear? I don't know if I have time to do that.
That is why you broke up with her. But it doesn't seem like you guys have seven times in one week is a lot for a normal couple. We know that you have a wild sex addiction.
Yeah, it's really helped our sex life, this breakup. I've just been going over every night making sure that she's taking the breakup okay.
I've been there so many times.
It really brought us together.
Be honest.
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Chapter 5: What exciting news does the host share about upcoming performances?
It's Greener Hill. I love it. Well, you did it again. Another unbelievably incredible minute. Cam Patterson. A lot of dates coming up. A lot of fun stuff. On the road with me. We're doing it. Living the American dream. There he goes. Wow, he just gave away $31 million to the man in the front row.
Chapter 6: How does the discussion shift to personal experiences with comedy?
Absolutely incredible. Just giving it away. Just handing it around.
That is amazing.
It's weird he gave it to a Klondike guy. All right. Keeping it moving along. Another name out of the bucket. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Matt Robertson, everybody. Here we go. Anything could happen. Could be the next star.
Chapter 7: What are the guests' thoughts on the Austin comedy scene?
Could be another bombing. Matt Robertson.
Thank you. I've been waiting tables recently. Dreams do come true. I am a waiter. I fucking did it. Waiting tables, it's okay. It's not my dream job. It's kind of like if you're a straight actor casting an HIV treatment commercial. Like, I'm happy for the work, but this isn't the role I want to be remembered for, you know what I mean? That's just me, I don't know.
Chapter 8: What humorous anecdotes do the hosts share about their past?
We play a lot of, yeah, we still play a lot of Michael Jackson at my restaurant, which is weird. There was a time they didn't play it, but now they do. You know, he's cool again. It's weird we didn't know Michael Jackson was a pedophile, because if you read the lyrics to his songs, it just sounds like a confession, you know? I want to love you, you pretty young thing. This guy. I'm bad. I'm bad.
I'm really, really bad. You know it. You know. You know. Your butt is mine. I'm a pedophile. Get it? I'm a fucking pedophile. I left breadcrumbs. You didn't get it. I'm a pedophile. Thank you. Not me. Michael Jackson. Anyway. I had to make that clear.
Thank you so much. Seems like that legacy is going to be a waiter. I think you will be known. Matt, how long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I was here with Tim. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? No one knows when and where you were. Nine years. Nine years? Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. You've been on the show once before?
Yeah, with Tim in December. Yes.
Okay, with Tim in December. What happened then?
What do you mean we had fun? Well, you don't remember. No, I'm a waiter at a Japanese restaurant. I take too long to come. Is this waiter ever going to come?
That's right. That's right. And you take too long to come. I still do. That's why your wife left you or something, right?
Correct. Yeah. Starting to come back to me. Yeah, yeah. It's all coming back. Yeah, yeah. I am single. Uh-huh.
We totally would have guessed that.
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