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Chapter 1: What introductions are made at the beginning of the episode?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.TV for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.TV.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Grampy coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hedgecliff!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?
Yippee!
Hell yeah. Make some noise for Red Band, everybody. Keep it going for the best damn band in the land. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by ExpressVPN. Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande, Michael Gonzalez, Sweatin' Bullets, Big Mike, on the drums, Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, John Deese on the keys, and that is D-Madness live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen.
In absolute scorcher, we're sitting here at 81.1 degrees Fahrenheit, 71% humidity. The AC guy is here. Make some noise for the AC guy.
Whoo!
Texas, late in July. Welcome. Welcome. Holy shit. ACs be breaking. This is a real live show. Anything can happen. Happens everywhere. Doesn't matter how much money Spotify gives you. ACs be breaking in Texas. A good old stress test here today. You see people fanning themselves. There's a Latino woman with an actual portable fan. I don't know how she snuck that in here.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of the AC situation during the show?
But anyway, circumcision started because God told Abraham to do it.
He also told him to kill his son, and then he took it back as it passed. So maybe he waited too long to say something. You know, he came back. He was like, oh, by the way, you know, oh, crap. You did it. All right. Looks great.
You told everyone to do it. Guess it's a thing now.
Okay. Martin Phillips with a brand new minute. Acknowledging the heat up top. How does the heat affect your condition? I just sweat like a motherfucker. Anything else when it gets real hot? Can you straighten out your legs or anything?
I think I just get heat exhaustion.
Oh, okay. So you're human other than... Yeah.
I'm a heavy sweater, so I definitely gotta...
Okay.
Heavy sweater. You're dressed for the occasion. You're one of the only people wearing shorts tonight on the crew. Well, yeah. You texted me like 15 minutes ago, so... Okay, perfect. Nobody needed to know that, but I guess that's fine.
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Chapter 3: How do the guests react to the heat and the audience?
Give me time, give me time. You gotta call him on fucking Friday. Here you go. Brother, we're gonna need pants by Monday. Me too, by the way.
Oh, shit. Martin, you ever have a bad experience putting on your pants?
No, I could fit them on. Okay. You know.
Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know. Fuck you, dude.
Fuck you. Fuck you, asshole. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, if it was a button-up shirt, then maybe, but then... I can just get them off, you know?
It's easy.
That looks smooth as hell. That was nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's better than me. I got to, like, lay down.
Yeah. Thanks, fat fuck.
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Chapter 4: What comedic moments arise from the guests' experiences?
There he goes. Appreciate it. Oh, here's a little joke book, Daniel. There you go. Nice catch. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word that the man that we all want to talk to is here. I present to you, for the first time in the show's history, this is the AC guy! Wow! Wow! Look at the crowd going absolutely wild. This is incredible, a monumental moment in the history of Kill Tony.
12 years and three months, yet we've never spoken to an AC guy live on the show before. Sir, what is your name? My name is Dean. Dean, hell yeah. Well, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. The crowd is doing their own thing. Let's see if he actually, did you fix it? I feel it.
I did, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, damn. Wow. Unbelievable. Dean, tell us about it. What was the issue?
So the issue was you guys tripped the smoke alarm with your smoke machines.
Oh, it was the haze. The new upgrade to the camera is a little bit of haze. So how do we avoid that in the future, Dean?
Uh, truthfully, if you're using smoke machines, probably not. Okay, can't do it.
All right, let's reset the cameras. Recalibrate the cameras to zero haze. I'm your biggest fan. There you go. Thank you.
No, I'm your Joe.
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Chapter 5: What hobbies do the comedians enjoy outside of stand-up?
What are some hobbies of yours? What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand-up?
Man, when I'm done doing stand-up, man, think about how black people could be better. That's what I think about. Same.
What have you come up with exactly? We've been wondering the same thing, so you go right ahead.
Man, you know... And I was chilling in my balcony the other day, man, blowing the trees, and I was like, man, the head nod thing that black people do, man, we need to get rid of that.
No, it's nice. I mean, fuck, we got to speak words, man. Hi.
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Chapter 6: What are some ways to improve financial responsibility?
Hi, hello. Well, if you do it like that, that's going to be a problem. If I was walking by and a black guy was like, hi.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that. No, you know, you got to smile, you know.
What's up?
I just did, huh? Exactly. No, the head thing's nice. I am head thing traumatized, man. I am head thing traumatized.
Oh, yeah. And you're from Nigeria? I was born and raised in Nigeria, yes. And you came here and you're telling the black Americans they're not doing it right?
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Chapter 7: How do personal experiences shape comedic material?
What? Tell them to pull their pants up.
I get it. You know, I mean. Yeah, what else is on this list? For me, I pull my pants up. What else is on your list of how they can do better? Um... Um... Number two on the list.
Number two? Man, pay bills. Wow. Niggas could pay bills, bro. For real. For real. Like, when I had a lot of money, I used to pay my bills. I was, like, white man, just paying my bills on time. Okay. I don't got it like that no more right now, so I'm dodging, too. I'm being black.
Right.
Chapter 8: What unique stories emerge from the comedians' lives?
Juking the bill collectors. Sunrise debt. Who is that? They call me at six in the morning every time. Sunrise. Fuck them.
I got to tell you, this isn't a racial problem. This is, yeah. This is a me problem, huh? No, no. Well, yeah. Whoever the individual is, yeah.
Okay.
We've all been there. Yeah, I've dodged debt.
What do you owe money for? What are some of your debts? I know right now I owe...
I owe Charter Communications right now, man. I owe him about $300. Who the fuck is that? Hey, what's that? Charter Communications. Spectrum. Spectrum. My bad. Spectrum. Spectrum, man.
Wait, you have cable? Or is that internet? No, internet, man.
Come on.
Don't you know, Matt?
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