Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Brad Beck, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get it for Tony Hitchcock!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Make some noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And how about one more time for the best damn band in all the land, huh? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa on the horns, the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Yes. Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. The great John Dees on the keys.
That is D Madness live in the flesh. And how about one more time, joining us tonight, how exciting is this? The great and powerful Zac Brown, ladies and gentlemen. Hell yeah. It is happening. Love and Fear at the Sphere in Las Vegas. Set for December 2025 and January 2026. And the new album, Love and Fear, releases night one of their Sphere performances. That's Friday, December 5th.
One more time for Zac Brown, ladies and gentlemen. Joining us all night. We're going to have some fun. Fucking welcome to the chaos, Zac. I love it. We're going to have a blast tonight, people. This is an unbelievable show we have set up for you. How many of you have been fans for a long time? Make some noise if you live in Austin, Texas.
Make some noise if you live somewhere else and flew in because you were able to get tickets to this show. Unbelievable. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. And Jimmy Carr! Yes! Andrew motherfucking Santino is back. Jimmy Carr, one of the frontrunners for Guest of the Year. Jimmy Carr is back.
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Chapter 2: What are the highlights of the Kill Tony show?
Santino is back. White Noise is on Hulu. He's on tour. AndrewSantino.com. Jimmy Carr, one of the nominees, 2025 Guest of the Year, is back. Stiff competition. Rob Schneider, Carrot Top, you, James McCann. It's fucking crazy runnings, and you are back and in it looking better than ever. Me and you, often confused for two ventriloquist dummies. And here we are working together. Working together.
It's Goosebumps meets Toy Story. Welcome back, Jimmy. JimmyCarr.com. He's on tour all over the world. Aussie, New Zealand, the entire world. JimmyCarr.com. How you doing, Jimmy?
I'm having a great time. I'm very, very pleased to be here. Kind of excited about this. Yes, me too.
Nice to be helping young talent. Absolutely. Andrew Santino, it has been way too long of a goddamn time. It's been a long time. It's good to be back. Hello, Mothership. Great to be here. Starting together. 18 years ago, we were doing stand-up together all over Los Angeles. We started together back when you were in your 50s. Hey, hey. You fucking walking mummy. All right. Don't shoot at me, James.
Ooh, a little chemistry here. I like it. She started shit. It's a little fucking salt and cinnamon over here. Hello. Don't. And yeah, so Andrew, it's been so long that you've been on the show that maybe I should remind you that over 300 human souls signed up for the opportunity to get into tonight's bucket. It is absolutely incredible. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted.
You know their time is up and you have the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. which rudely interrupts them. And then I conduct an interview. We have some fun. We find out more about them. The whole thing is improvised. Anything can happen.
I'm going to let one of the members of the world's palest couple that I've ever seen in my entire life. You guys make Andrew Santino look like a Dominican Yankee player. I mean, look at the lack of color on these people. It is incredible. I think they might be ghosts. Yeah. This is fucking crazy. Are you a couple? Yeah, that's unfortunate.
If you guys make a baby, it's just going to look like a cup of cum. Some of the powerful humor that you're in for tonight.
If you cum on her tits, does it just look like nothing? Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of Zac Brown's performance?
We want to see your ghost cum, dude. All right, we're going to have a lot of fun tonight. We're going to start it with a golden ticket winner while we go wrangle. Ghost cum. This is the Ghost Come episode of Kill Tony.
While we go wrangle that bucket pool from the bar next door, as that person finds out that their life has changed and they're about to be on the biggest show in all of comedy, we're going to bring out a golden ticket winner to start off with a brand new minute. Really, one of the most neurotic young comedians coming up. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Jack Shaw, everybody.
Here we go.
I got Roadhead. I did it. And that should be illegal. No one should ever have Roadhead. Ever. It's the most dangerous thing that's ever happened to me. And if you think texting and driving is dangerous, try getting your dick sucked while driving. It is horrifying. And And if you ever are offering someone roadhead, don't offer them roadhead, because we can't say no to that.
It's like offering a coke addict cocaine. It's like, yeah, of course I want the blow. And that's a pun. And so, you know, it was happening for me, and we were driving, and it was fantastic, but I'm panicking, because that's what happens when you get roadhead, because people can see you while you're driving, dude, so you're just sitting there fucking trying... to make like you're just driving.
And we were driving and there was a UPS driver who pulled up next to us. And you know they have the big mail trucks, dude. And I'm panicking and I look over at him. And he's looking at me and he goes. And that's when I learned I come from positive affirmation. No, no, no, don't clap.
Stop.
Stop! Please stop clapping! Stop! No!
By God, he's coming, ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna cut you off right there, Jack. Welcome, welcome. That was great. Jimmy. Can I ask where your mother was driving you?
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Chapter 4: How does the audience react to the performers?
There it is. Could have been better the first time. All right. Jack, what else is going on in life? Everything good?
You know, I've been trying to find ways to deal with my anxiety, and I've been nervous to talk about this, but I've... And people in my life don't know about this, but I've been... I've found a way to deal with it, and I've been jazz-scatting.
Okay, let's... You want to do a little jazz-scatting for the crowd?
I was thinking I could... I think I could jazz-scat a little bit.
Okay. I just... Jack's one of those guys that I can really only handle for about five minutes. He is literally at four minutes and 51 seconds on this stage right now, and I can just feel it creeping on. Like, I kind of get sick of him. He's always great for a minute. Here he is. It's jazz scatting. It's Jack Shaw, everybody. Ba-ba-do-ba-da-da, ba-ba-do-ba-da. La-da-da-ba-da-ba-ow-wa.
Ya-ba-da-ba-do-ba-da-ba-da-da-ow. Ya-ba-da-ba-ha-ha. Wow. Unbelievably stupid. We're going to check in with our senior music correspondent tonight, Zach Brown. What did you think about that jazz scatting that you just heard right there? I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Perfect.
Yes.
I think we all did. We all had a little fun.
I feel like I'm in a dream sequence in an episode of Saved by the Bell.
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Chapter 5: What humorous observations are made about Olive Garden?
Howdy, howdy. Hey, thanks. You know, maybe it's true what they say.
Maybe Meemaws do know best. Today my Meemaw said, you're going out in that jacket?
It looks like a giant hairless ball sack. Speaking of ball sacks, do you guys eat at Olive Garden often?
Now folks, the menu at Olive Garden says, take a tour of Italy. Wow. Who knew you could take a tour of Italy without ever leaving Beaumont, Texas? Now folks, it's easy to know if your server at the Olive Garden is into incest when they say things like, when you're here,
Right here, your family. Hey, Olive Garden, how the fuck you gonna have unlimited soup and then a limited amount of bathroom stalls? Your Honor, yes, I might have dropped a cannoli in the urinal. Not because I wanted to, but let's just say my tour of Italy took a little detour. You guys like Chewy's Tex-Mex?
Well guess what, they just got their asses bought out by Olive Garden, which means I'm gonna need to freshen up on my Spanish a little bit. Mi amigo, como se dice incest waiter? All right, Aaron West, pushing it to the limit with shitting your pants jokes. Hell yeah, Aaron.
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Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to personal experiences with addiction?
You've been on this show before, right? I have. Welcome back. Over at the Vulcan. Yeah, welcome back. Remind us all how long you've been doing stand-up. You can take the jacket off. You already did the ball sack joke. Make yourself at home.
It's hot out there.
Totally, totally worth it. I wore it all day waiting for that. Yeah, not worth it. Sitting outside. Keep going. No, I've been doing comedy. I haven't for eight years, but this is my third time performing in eight years.
wow quite the work ethic yeah take a lot of time off yeah this is yeah okay yeah jimmy i kind of i thought um terrible material yes yeah incredible performance yeah like your confidence your thing like i don't know what you're good at but there's something there and it's very special
There's something very special. I couldn't agree more.
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Chapter 7: What stories are shared about wild nights involving substances?
I mean, it is unbelievable. You seem like I'm interested in what you have to say. You're saying it in a kind of funny way. But again, the writing, absolutely unbelievable. Howdy, meemaw, Olive Garden, Tour of Italy, shitting in a urinal, and whatever the Chewy's thing was at the end with no transition or segue. You guys in that Chewy's text mix? Huh? Anyone? Out of nowhere.
But like, again, do you try to write? Because like Olive Garden Tour of Italy, it's kind of, right? It's a thing?
Yeah, I don't know. I guess I just, I write what I know and I eat a whole lot of Olive Garden.
That's the funniest shit you said about Olive Garden.
That's very funny. I think you're a comedic actor. I think you've got a face, you've got a look. Just when you walked out, I felt like, okay, this guy knows what he's doing. I think you're very funny, but I think it's like someone else's writing. I think you could bring it to life. I think you really got something.
Maybe it's not stand-up, maybe it's sketch, maybe it's something else, but there's something very special about you. I really enjoyed it. Thanks. You're great.
Thank you. I did bring it up last time. I don't know if it, but yeah. No, and I'm four and a half years sober. So like doing comedy sober, this is my third time ever doing it sober. So it is like really shaky. I was back there like holding a water.
But as opposed to the other... Don't be overly serious about... But you seem so confident walking out. Thanks. You seem like just you kind of own the stage. You've got great presence. But it's that thing of like some people... Maybe you need to work with some writers. Maybe you need to work with some other people. Cool.
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Chapter 8: How does the discussion conclude with reflections on comedy and personal growth?
Just like there's such a great community around Austin. There's such fucking funny people around here. Team up with someone. Write with someone.
That's a great idea. No doubt about it. Definitely whatever it takes to write differently than what you wrote tonight. Okay. What made you have to get sober four years ago? What was your problem? Cocaine and alcohol. Okay. Is that a good mix? He's done it? You and me both. What was the wildest night you ever had on cocaine and alcohol? Tell us what bottom was like for you.
Well, I, yeah, I showed up. Well, no. Okay. I called out of work, and I wake up at 5 p.m., and I call my work. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'd worked there for years. I'd never, you know, had any issue with attendance. And my boss goes, yeah, numbnuts, you already came in today, and... Had you clocked in, we would have fucking fired you.
But you were on the line trying to cook something, and so we just told you to get lost. Yeah, I mean, I was a waiter. There's no fucking reason I should have been on the line in the first place. I'm like back there like, wow.
Wow, the burger does look good.
Were you a waiter at the Olive Garden? No. I'm just a big fan. One day I'll work my way up. Good luck. If they'll have me. Oh, wait a second. So you were so fucked up that you went into work. This is a night shift. Oh, no, no. I'm like solely a morning restaurant worker. So it was breakfast. Yeah. Breakfast at the brewery I worked at.
And so you exclusively waited tables at this brewery on an almost daily basis. And one day you went in so fucked up. So fucked up. You went and just started cooking random shit. Did they tell you what you were cooking? Do you remember what you were cooking? Do you remember any of it? I don't remember any.
I mean, I literally woke up at 5.30 and was like, oh, my God, I was supposed to be there at 10.30. Jimmy Carr.
The genius of getting home, going, I better phone in sick, and then you'd already been to work.
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