Episode 606: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part II - Batavia's Graveyard
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There's no place to escape to.
This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Who's that?
I don't drone on. I'm pretty succinct. People have said that about my bits. People say, Henry, what a great self-editor. Which is why today I'm going to start with... No, I'm not going to do the big song. We're not starting with a sea shanty. Gurney's requested it.
Yeah, of course.
I'm drawing a line in the water.
Yeah, Gurney's a big fan of sea shanties. Doesn't want to hear us butcher him.
Rob, can you give me a taste? I like show me the way to go home. Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Yo, I remember. Is that a shanty? I had me a drink about an hour ago and it went straight to my head.
Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the self-editing Henry Zebrowski. Well, sure.
Wow, it's more annoying somehow.
Way more annoying. And here with the sick of it all, Ed Larson.
I'm so sick of Henry's bullshit, man. It's so fucking sick, man. I puked out my penis.
I hope you die. I hope it fucking kills you. I hope my content kills you. It will.
And we're here for the Batavia.
Yeah.
Part two.
Yeah, now we're really going to fucking get into it.
Yeah, I really like Batavia because it's a good artificial sweetener.
God damn it. Cut all of it out. At the very top.
But to really make sure we're all on the same page here, we're going to back up the story just a little to really examine the mood on the Batavia and the relationships between the crew that resulted in a mutiny planned by two VOC employees, Captain Ariana Jacobs and undermerchant Euronymous Cornelis.
See, I know that it's Ariana or Arian.
Yeah.
But then I just think Ariana Grande. Yeah.
Yeah, so just don't imagine Ariana Grande as the captain of this ship.
She fucking took over and mutinied Wicked. Yeah, that's right. She mutinied and took over that SpongeBob's dick and balls. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She better made her throat slimmer so that she could make his penis feel bigger in her mouth. That's a pretty slim throat.
Yeah. Well, mutinies.
God damn. Is that a good way to start?
Mutinies were actually quite rare on VOC ships. And in fact, it was entirely unheard of for a mutiny to be led by a VOC officer like Euronymous Cornelius, as most under merchants in his position were vetted to ensure they had no mutinous qualities.
We talked about this in the very beginning when we were talking about how they assembled the team for this is that normally they hire from within. Normally it's a guy who works his way up a certain amount. And normally these trips out to the Indies were reserved for people that either were, I guess, the best of the best of the best or the worst of the worst of the worst. It seemed to be no in between. He went in and said, like, he just got in, remember, because he was educated. Well, a captain vouched for him. Yes, so he got in, but the rest of them were, like, scared to death of their bosses.
Yeah.
Because they knew what they would do.
What's a mutinous quality? Like, bestiality? Well, if you...
Only if you're on a ship of ducks.
Well, if you'll remember, the conditions for being an under merchant required that they not be bankrupt. Because while the VOC did need an air of desperation in an employee in order for them to risk their life for a trip to the Indies, a reek of desperation could lead to them getting ideas about the 500 pound chest full of treasure down in the hole.
The trip has to be worth more than what's in the boat.
Yeah. Yeah. Very much does. Because at this point, Henry was telling me the other day, a tenth of the VOC's entire earnings were on board the Batavia.
Yes. So a tenth of their entire corp was sitting underneath their feet as they were floating out into the middle of the Indian Ocean. And they're the most successful corporation of all time. Well, technically.
Well, the most I mean, not compared to what, you know, businesses today do. They're not even close, but they were the first successful corporation and definitely the most successful corporation of their day. OK, now, I wouldn't say that Euronymous Cornelis necessarily had the desperation reek.
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