Doing It at Darla's Desk (w/ Carl Tart)
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
You know you've made a bad case for yourself when the person giggling wins. Yeah.
Welcome back to Petty Crimes, the only true crime comedy podcast that exclusively investigates non-crimes. Kira, I'm going to turn the mic over to you to introduce a very special guest that we have in the Petty Crimes Court today.
Yes, that's right. He's my very good friend. We love performing on stage together. We write together at SNL. You know him from Comedy Bang Bang. You might know him from Party Over Here. You might know him from the sitcom Grand Crew. You know him. You love him.
Who is the guest Carl Tart and how is he introduced on Petty Crimes?
Please welcome Carl Tart.
Thank you so much. Nobody remembers me from Party Over Here. The party was over there. The party was over there.
You don't know.
If somebody is that big of a late night sketch comedy fan, then kudos to you.
Carl, we ask all of our guests, would you consider yourself a petty person?
No, I don't be petty. I don't be petty. I just let it stew and I let it eat me up inside.
Oh, okay. Okay. So you just let it like damage yourself.
Yeah. Yeah. I just let it damage me. I don't take it on nobody else.
But Carl, would you say that you are a grudge holder?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I don't ever forget.
Carl, can you think of a moment when somebody wronged you in an insignificant way, but you are holding on to it to this day?
I can remember one from a person who I'm talking to right now.
What did I do?
Riff, get this. Walks into my office, takes my matches to go light a candle in her room. Don't say hi to me. Don't sit down and chat. And then she goes, bye. I'm like, okay, hello?
Excuse me? Can I get a hello?
Can I get a... I have not seen you. I took those matches from a restaurant that I like. That I like.
And she goes, bye. Kira, any response to that thievery?
You know, I like to think that Carl and I are past the nice cities. We're so close that we don't need to do all that. But I guess he doesn't think we're as close as I do.
I'm originally from the South. I need to say hi to you. I need to see you. I need to check in with my friends.
How does Carl describe his tendency to hold grudges and personal pettihood?
Manners.
And, you know, I should be that way, too, because I'm so Irish. And when I lived in Ireland, I mean, it is in Ireland like you have somebody coming over to buy a textbook and you've never met him before. And they're like, oh, sure. I suppose a cup of tea will be nice. Right. You've got to do the niceties. So I'm sorry, Carl. I'm sorry.
What's happened to you, Kira?
Our job environment definitely leads to people kind of doing their own thing and being their own world. But I was hired to change that. I wasn't hired to really write stuff. Wow. I was hired to make that.
To change the culture.
Yeah. No, we're going to be nice up in here.
Okay. And Carl, Griff, you should know this. Carl is friends with members of the crew that other writers have never seen before.
Okay. My boys.
And they tell me stories about y'all. Worse than match stealing. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Carl, today Kira has a petty crime prepared for both of us. I've not heard it. You've not heard it. She'll be serving as judge. We'll be the jury. I think you're probably very equipped to do that. You ready to move from grudge holding into petty territory?
Yes, let's do it.
Okay, great. Our submitter begins. Dear Kira, Griff, and Carl, I write today with potentially the oldest crime ever filed in the petty crimes court history. Oh. This crime took place in 2002 in the offices of a small local government somewhere in the Mormon Corridor, a.k.a. the Jell-O Belt.
The Jell-O Belt?
The crime involves me, the submitter. You can call me Darla. My boss, who you can go ahead and call Elsie. My lover, who you can call Derek. And my bitch of a coworker, who you may call Mariana. As you can probably guess, working in local government, my job was very boring and not a lot went on. So drama tended to bubble and fester. Carl, you ever worked in local government?
No, never worked in local government, but I'm trying to get into that.
OK, great.
Sounds like SNL's little local government approach for you. Oh, yeah. Well, there is there is a drama festering and I am running to be the mayor.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–0:44
2
Who is the guest Carl Tart and how is he introduced on Petty Crimes?
0:44–2:23
3
How does Carl describe his tendency to hold grudges and personal pettihood?
2:23–12:56
4
What job-training opportunity leads Darla to Idaho Falls and why does she care?
12:56–27:31
5
Who is Mariana and how does workplace conflict with her escalate?
27:31–47:54
6
What happened with the notepad discovery and the meeting about Darla?
47:54–50:45