FBI Charges NBA Stars in Gambling Scheme & Trump Touts Ballroom Post-East Wing Demo | Jeff Tweedy
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You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta.
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Kosta. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Trump deports the East Wing from the White House. We meet the Fox News guys always interrupting people at diners. And the NBA dropped a new collab with the Mafia. So let's get into the headlines. Let's kick things off with Kash Patel, FBI director and man with resting, whoa, face. He had a major announcement today. And no, it's not about the Epstein files. Those are still securely firmed inside Mike Johnson's clenched butthole. But it is news that might affect your fantasy lineup.
Breaking news of seismic proportions involving the NBA. Chauncey Bullocks, the head coach for the Portland Trailblazers, arrested for allegedly participating in rigged poker games run by four Italian crime families.
Ugh. Damn. An NBA head coach might have ties to the Mafia? Well, I guess that explains the new Portland Trailblazers assistant coach, Vinny the Clam. I will say, the Mafia must really be hurting if the biggest NBA name they can get is Chauncey Billups. They couldn't get Shaq? He'll take money for anything. And as bad as it sounds, that's not even the worst NBA scandal that got exposed today.
Miami Heat star Terry Rozier was allegedly part of an illegal gambling scheme where gamblers made millions on prop bets.
He allegedly was sending information to sports bettors about who was going to play in games, who would be out on injury. And according to one law enforcement source, he begged out of a game early, only about nine minutes in, faking an injury. And officials say that he profited himself from that.
Jesus Christ, Terry. You've made over $160 million in your career. You shouldn't be doing gambling schemes. Leave the schemes for the guys on the bench. They're the ones who need the money. But still, I think the FBI should leave him alone. This is America. We don't arrest NBA players with gambling problems. We force them to play baseball for a year. Either way, the NBA understands this scandal has really tarnished their integrity. That's why the league is making it up to fans by offering them a $50 free play on a fan duel using the promo code JAILBLAZER. I'm gonna make it, baby. Come on. This is the one. This is the one. But enough about corrupt insiders gaming the system for profit. Let's move to Donald Trump.
This week, he's been focused on his passion project, building a ballroom for the White House. Now, when he started, he promised that it would be separate from the existing White House, and he wouldn't touch the East Wing, that this construction would strictly be over the pants. Then... This week, there was a minor change to the plan when Trump ripped open the side of the East Wing like it had a labubu inside. But all right, so maybe a little bit of damage, but I'm sure he'll keep the rest of the historic East Wing intact, right? Right? Right? New images appear to show the entire building is gone. It's been demolished. Jeez, holy shit, man. Keep in mind, everyone, this is a rental, you know? Any day now, Trump... Yeah, you get it.
New Yorkers get it. Any day now, Trump's gonna get a call from the White House's Albanian landlord like, what the is this? What's going on here? But this is all happening so fast. This guy's been taking 15 years to give us a healthcare plan, but in three and a half days, he's demolished half the White House. Donny T, tell me this is gonna end up looking good. So I thought I'd bring this out because this is going to be probably the finest ballroom ever built. And we're doing it. No cost to the country. It's being put in. The money is being put in by me and donors. Jesus Christ. Look at this thing. It's huge. It's bigger than the actual White House. It looks like one of those crabs with the big arm, doesn't it?
I mean, I don't know a lot about architecture, but I do know a thing or two about overcompensating for a small penis.
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