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You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jon Stewart.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. Man, do we got a show for you tonight. Civil liberties attorney Janine Yunus will be here later. Civil liberties we're going to be talking about. They don't care. They don't care. Or we'll talk about whatever the government deems appropriate. I really, you know, I'm trying to keep myself spirited here. How was your weekend? Was it good? Yeah, yeah. How was your week? It's happening! What the is happening in this country? From Minnesota, to Venezuela, to Iran, to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico, Colombia, to Philadelphia! I'm sorry, not all the news was bad.
Why is the president of the United States declaring on Wikipedia that he is now the president of Venezuela? That's real. Why is our Fed chairman making what appears to be a hostage video? How did steak become the healthiest food in the country? What is happening? We are on the Donald Trump Gravitron. We don't know what up or down is. We just know it feels like we're all going to vomit. Each moment brings another event with cataclysmic implications and consequences. And the guy at the center of it, the instigator, the catalyst of all this chaos and confusion, he's just out there TGIFing it.
Oh, hey, what's up, everybody?
Hey, see you soon. Not if I see you first. Boom, boom, boom. Just look at Venezuela. We took it over, what, three days ago, four days ago, five days ago? I don't f***ing remember. Meanwhile, our State Department says if you're an American, there are armed gangs in Venezuela trying to kill you. So you would think that maybe this calls for a little gathering in the situation tent or wherever is operationally right for talking about Venezuela right now. But the president had a different idea.
President Trump convening top oil executives at the White House to talk about divvying up Venezuela's oil. What the is happening?
Yes, a meeting of all of the most important stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron, Halliburton, and of course, the guy from Dune who lives in the oil back. By the way, I think you can tell I don't use that treatment. And by the way, lest you worry that Donald Trump is in any way feeling the burden of this moment, the terrifying responsibility of so many lives held in his hands, let me reassure you, he's fine.
Here we are. And in fact, if you look, come to think of it, well, I got to look at this myself.
We're trying to have an urgent meeting on possibly the collapse of a petrostate. You're going to just walk out the window and look at Rubio and Vance. Look at the faces on Heckle and Jekyll over there. Just looking and smiling like, oh, paw paw. He's so cute. You should see him when the ice cream truck goes by.
What a view. This is the door to the ballroom.
Really, this meeting is the moment for your funny ballroom act-em-out? Armed gangs are roaming freely through both of the countries you say you run right now. But go ahead. Take a moment to look at what might be through the window. You're like the Walt Disney of chaos. All it takes is imagination. And by the way, if you're getting up and walking to the window and you don't think that's enough of a doddering old man move, old Kankles McGee had one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.
You're all going to do very well. I think really very well. Marco just gave me a note. Go back to Chevron. They want to discuss something. Go ahead. I'm going back to Chevron. Thank you, Marco.
Does anyone else have a private note they'd like me to read aloud? Anybody? Now, by the way, there was an oil company, Exxon, that expressed some reservations about investing money in rebuilding the infrastructure of a country that is, and I quote, not ours, and is somewhat volatile at the moment. How did the president handle this somewhat rational cost-benefit analysis?
I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon out. I didn't like their response. They're playing too cute.
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