Trump Targets Obesity & Threatens Nigeria While Airlines Cut Flights Amid Shutdown | Ethan Hawke

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 30 min 4 speakers 6 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Britt Lower 0:01
You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clemens.
Jordan Klepper 0:31
The Daily Show. I'm Jordan Flapper. We got so much to talk about tonight. Trump finds a new country to invade. You might have to walk home for the holidays. And Dr. Oz wants to make you snatched. So let's get into headlines. Let's start with the big healthcare news. Today, Donald Trump announced a major deal to drastically cut the price of Ozempic and other weight loss drugs. It's all part of his campaign promise and his one consistent principle of no fatties. He made the announcement at the Oval Office today in an event that turned into a major HIPAA violation. Secretary Howard Letnick. Do you take any of this stuff, Howard? Oh, yeah. Okay, good. CMS Administrator Mehmet Oz, he doesn't take it. Where's Steve Scheer, head of public relations for the White House?
Jordan Klepper 1:30
He's taking it. Steve, he's on Ozempic. Told his wife he's been doing CrossFit in the garage, but nope, it's Ozempic. Steve's got to be careful, though, because I heard Ozempic interacts with Cialis, which Steve is also on. You know what? Joking aside, obesity is a serious issue, so this could be a benefit. Dr. Oz, you're a doctor, theoretically. Give us a reasonable expectation of success here.
Ethan Hawke 2:01
Mr. President, our estimate, based on the company numbers as well, is Americans will lose 135 billion pounds by the midterms.
Jordan Klepper 2:09
Whoa! 135 billion pounds by the midterms. Why the midterms? Did they add a swimsuit competition to those? Look, I'm no mathematician, but 135 billion pounds divided by 340 million Americans means we each have to lose 400 pounds by the midterms. Look, and I know that sounds like a lot. But remember, that's just the average. Some people only lose 300 pounds, while other people will lose 500 pounds. Some of us will lose no pounds at all, which will be offset by everyone losing 800 pounds. The point is, regardless of how much you lose, Donald Trump will be tracking it and announcing your personal results at a press conference. And by the way, another crazy thing that happened at this health conference is that someone had a health emergency.
Jordan Klepper 3:11
He passed out. They attended to him. He's fine. But I only bring it up because it resulted in one of the greatest images of the Trump presidency.
Jordan Klepper 3:31
Look at this. Everyone is attending to this guy. Meanwhile, Donald Trump is zoned out like he's in a marriage counseling session. You know what?

What happened at the Oval Office Ozempic announcement and how many pounds did the White House claim Americans would lose?

Jordan Klepper 3:43
All kidding aside, Mr. President, I appreciate your war on FUPAS. You're the America first president. I'm just glad you're focused on the American people. If the Nigerian government continues to allow the killing of Christians, the USA will immediately stop all aid and assistance to Nigeria. We're going to do things to Nigeria that Nigeria is not going to be happy about and may very well go into that now-disgraced country. Guns are blazing. Whoa! Guns are blazing. I mean, if you say so, President Yosemite Sam. You know what? Maybe try it again, but with a bit more gravitas. I'm hereby instructing our Department of War to prepare for possible action. If we attack, it will be fast, vicious, and sweet. Fast, vicious, and sweet?
Jordan Klepper 4:42
You're talking about military action or a new wing sauce on hot ones? I... I don't know where this attack on Nigeria came from, and I'm not the only one. Trump's boys on Newsmax were also a little surprised. You know what? It's about time someone stood up for Christians, Rob. He's doing a lot. That's a big one. Nigeria came out of left field.
Yeah. Yeah.
Jordan Klepper 5:11
Even the anchors on Newsmax are like, uh, where the did Nigeria come from? I prepared 20 minutes on Bad Bunny doing the Super Bowl. Now I guess I'll pivot to Nigerian holy war? Shit. You know what? It seems like President Trump has the time to start lowering the price of weight loss drugs and fomenting war with Nigeria, because it turns out there's not much else going on.
The government shutdown is now the longest in American history.
Jordan Klepper 5:42
Oh, yeah! That's right, the shutdown.

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