Consent Part 3: Alcohol & lessons from BDSM
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What is the focus of Consent Part 3 and who are the guests?
They're tied down, they're gagged, they're blindfolded, they're hung upside down. I cause a high degree of sensation in their body. The container is basically the safe space, which is set up by myself after arduous pre-negotiation. And that's basically what people who seek kink experiences. That's the space that they need to essentially get what they seek and also you know experience the meaning and
Warning adult content. The hookup. Love and on Triple J Hey, I'm Nat Tencich, and this is part three of our podcast mini-series on consent. On this episode, you'll find out how to navigate consent when alcohol is involved. And a dominatrix will teach us just how consent works in BDSM. You'll hear from sex therapist Tanya Coons and psychologist Dr. Stephen Andrew. First up though, it's singer Tia Gostello, who also happens to be a passionate consent advocate after her friends had some pretty negative experiences at schoolies.
Hey, I'm Tia Gostello. Um you might know me as a musician, but I'm also an ambassador for the line.
You wrote about like your schoolie's experience and that kind of like inspiring you a little bit. Can you tell me a bit about your schoolies experience? What was it like?
Schoolies, I think it wasn't just schoolies for me, I think it was high school as a whole, you really see like people are growing up, um, everybody's young, everybody's learning things along the way and I guess um going to school is you're obviously in an environment where there's alcohol and drugs and stuff and um the stories that I heard about things happening to other girls or other guys um really kind of disgusted me.
What were some of those stories that really
spoke to
you?
Like the this is really bad. It's like the usual, which it shouldn't be. But like girls getting really drunk and guys hooking up with them and then the girls like having no recollection of what happened and then the b the guys and their friends just say like, Oh, like, we just had sex, like I fucked this chick like you know, just stuff like that. And when really that's not what happened and then I I just remember vividly being at school and um I remember just like like after parties people would hook up and then sometimes the girls would have no idea what would happen and then like all the boys would just make fun of them, you know? And it's just not on at all. And even now my brother's in grade twelve and he still tells me stories and like the exact same things happening and it just really disgusts me.
I think it's also
as you said the the alcohol thing, like you know, girls waking up and not remembering what happened and yet y who knows what they were saying at the time, I suppose.
How does alcohol affect consent and what questions should we ask before mixing them?
I guess the thing is it's like When it comes to alcohol, there are heaps of detractors and adults out there who are like, Oh well, she shouldn't have gotten drunk if she didn't want to have sex. How do you negotiate and how do you navigate alcohol and sex? Should you just never mix the two?
Um, I think that everybody has a right to go out and drink alcohol and do whatever they want and feel safe. Right now, one in seven young people believe a female shouldn't be able to claim she was sexually assaulted if she's drunk or affected by drugs. And I think that's a horrible statistic. Like both males and females should be able to go out and feel safe and like kind of trust in other people that if they're not in the right state of mind that they're be helped. Like if they were with a group of friends you'd hope that if you n like if you knew your friend wasn't in a right state of mind and they're doing something that is wrong you would tell them not to do it and make sure that something didn't happen.
But yeah I feel like yeah it's just alcohol and drugs are mixed like together whatever, they're not great but um I feel like everybody has control over what they're doing no matter what. You need to respect everybody else and their bodies. and what they want and yeah, it's just a huge respect thing in my opinion.
How important do you see it, um, for other guys to call out their mates?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the focus of Consent Part 3 and who are the guests?
0:00–2:44
2
How does alcohol affect consent and what questions should we ask before mixing them?
2:44–5:26
3
What happened at schoolies and why does Tia Gostelow see it as a consent warning?
5:26–7:41
4
What do the statistics say about drunk consent and how can friends intervene safely?
7:41–9:32
5
How does BDSM illustrate pure consent and what does a dominatrix teach us?
9:32–11:54
6
What is a “container” in BDSM and how is it negotiated?
11:54–14:15
7
What can we learn from power‑exchange negotiations for everyday consent?
14:15–17:27
8
How does the episode wrap up the consent mini‑series and where can listeners find more resources?
17:27–20:16