Ethical hook ups and sleeping around
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What is an ethical one‑night stand and why does it matter?
The hookup with Hanna Reilly. Love and f ⁇ ing on Triple J.
Hey, thanks for listening to the Hook Up Podcast. This week we're talking all about ethical hookups. How do we sleep around without hurting each other's feelings? Have you ever told someone an elaborate lie when you've been hooking up with them? I have. He was the first person I dated out of high school and I haven't spoken to him in a few years, but in the spirit of ethical hook ups I called him to confess. I kinda wanted to talk to you about s something that I did that wasn't exactly ethical.
I know.
Let me take you back to our first date. You asked me out, which I was very happy about, and um went out drinking. The day went really well. We went back to your place. That's good. Yeah, yeah. And it got to the point where we were like kissing and falling around and stuff and I kind of suddenly realized that we were probably gonna end up having sex and I'd done some kind of like background work before this. I did this kind of contingency plan w because like, you know, I found you really attractive. I knew I probably wanted to uh wanted to have sex with you on the first date. Yeah. I didn't shave my legs and I wore like Spanx as a contingency plan.
It's in t to i to impose self restraint.
Exactly. Anyway, I was also on this like acne drug where they say not to have sex because, you know, if you get pregnant you can die or something. I remember that.
You might have told me it was um a heart drug, like heart medication. Would that be possible? Uh like I understand acne drug, that age might be embarrassing to share. Is it possible that you told me it was a heart drug or b have I misremembered?
Well, from what I remember about it, instead of just telling you all that, I said I had a rare heart condition where I could where I couldn't elevate my heartbeat to a certain level doing Doing activities such as sex.
That is the one. I absolutely do remember that now. I remember there was some like weird thing with your heart. Um I think I bought it, Book Line and Sinker. Did you? Like yeah. I was I was probably a bit concerned. The first time anyone had confessed that they had a heart sort of problem of any kind. And uh You know. I didn't want to be breaking hearts, literally all. Seguratively you know. You're under no obligation to sleep with me. You were under no obligation to tell the truth.
I think it's kind of like interesting and silly that at the time I found this elaborate lie easier than just saying straight up, can we just not have sex?
Yeah. I hope I didn't make you feel that way.
I obviously didn't think you were a creep or anything. We ended up seeing each other for a few months after that. Um I actually vaguely remember might have been a week or so after that, we were both running for the bus. And I think you turned around and you're like, No, no, no, it's f don't run, don't run, your heart. And I was like, Oh, oh yeah.
I'm glad that your heart is
That I'm happy and healthy.
Yep, exactly.
Yeah, listen to the hookup. That was me telling the first person I dated out of high school I had a rare heart condition because I didn't know how to be honest with someone that I was hooking up with. And that is exactly what we're talking about tonight. Ethical hookups. Because lying is certainly not that. Coming up. I'm gonna be joined by Jacqueline Hellier. She's a sex therapist and relationship counsellor, and we're gonna be talking about why we lie in casual flings and how we can avoid it. You heard my shameful confession earlier when uh I told someone that I had a rare heart condition that I couldn't elevate during acts such as sex. Why
did I do that? You did that because it's so hard to talk about sex. You know, we're raised in a society where sex is this huge secret and people talk about it in euphemisms, they whisper, everyone's just kinda edging around it. We're not actually given any decent sex education at school. We get reproduction education if we're lucky. You know, we learn how to make babies and not make babies, and that's actually not that difficult.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is an ethical one‑night stand and why does it matter?
0:04–7:15
2
Why do people tell elaborate lies before a hookup?
7:15–12:54
3
How can you honestly disclose a health condition (e.g., a fake heart issue) before sex?
12:54–19:01
4
What are the basic rules of respectful casual sex?
19:01–25:16
5
How should consent be communicated and withdrawn during a hookup?
25:16–33:29
6
What are practical tips for telling a partner you have an STI?
33:29–40:34
7
How can people living with HIV or other STIs disclose status safely and positively?
40:34–48:25
8
What can listeners do to reduce stigma around casual sex and STIs?
48:25–53:43