How to navigate the ex in a new relationship
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Is it okay to talk about your ex around your current partner?
I get the fact that they're a part of my partner's previous life, but when does the past just become exactly that? It's just your past. When is it OK to bring it up? How often is too often? Reminiscing about it and taking me to places that you might have spent with your ex as
well. Do you reckon it's okay to talk about your ex around your current partner? But how much ex chat is too much? Hey, I'm Nat Tenchich. Personally, where I stand on this one, I talk about my ex heaps with my current partner. I was with my ex for about six and a half years, so it's sort of hard not to. And my partner's friends with all his exes, so he kind of does the same thing. I don't mind it so much. Exes are kind of a part of what makes you who you are, in my opinion. But at what point can you just say enough is enough? Let's move on and make it about us here and now. Well, that's what Georgia from Melbourne wanted to know when she got in touch with The Hookup, feeling a bit exasperated by how much her partner mentions her ex.
My name's Georgia. I'm from Melbourne. And I absolutely hate it when my current partner talks about her ex. It's just like little things, just like, oh, you know, me and Blah Blah used to do this all the time. Or like, you know, when I spent time with, you know, Blah Blah's family, like they got me this. And I'm just like, oh, you know, if I like said, where'd you get that jumper from? Or like, I really like it. And it was just like, oh, you know, Blah Blah's family would always kind of get me these things. You know, I didn't really ask for it. It just seems like kind of like little petty comments that would just kind of come up in conversation. I guess it's kind of like a, do you want me to respond to this?
Are you trying to like see how I'm going to react to it as well? in the age of social media and stuff as well, it's a lot easier to connect and to be still in that world of connecting with an ex. Is having photos up together while you're not dating anymore, is that okay? And for me to scroll through your timeline and see that, is it valid enough for me to feel jealous over still seeing that there? Like if you guys are still keeping in contact on social media as well, like do you block them? Do you not? Is it silly for me to say like, hey, can you unfriend them? Or hey, do you still keep in contact? And obviously we're going to delve deep into the world of stalking the ex and stalking the partner's ex.
So that doesn't make it healthy for us as well. And seeing, you know, my partner just... like their stuff or comment on their photos, is that okay? Is that silly of me to be jealous over that too? So I think it's a lot of uncertainty. Obviously the first kind of emotion is just plain jealousy and when those emotions of jealousy are turning into something more and you're starting to maybe resent my partner's ex and I don't even know them, or even, you know, giving my partner the silent treatment because I don't want to hear about it or not know how to respond and, you know, that lack of communication as well because I'm just sick and tired of hearing it. So I just don't really know how to respond at that point.
I don't know if that shows my lack of maturity or if that's a natural response to kind of have. I get the fact that they're a part of my partner's previous life and part of their, you know, them growing up and maturing into their adulthood as well. I totally get that. But it just kind of brings to mind when does the past just become exactly that? It's just your past. When is it okay to bring it up? When should you have the initial conversation? how often is too often, reminiscing about it and taking me to places that you might have spent with your ex as well. Those moments are obviously going to be a little bit upsetting to have that kind of brought up into a new relationship and to have potential, you know, old flames kind of brought back into the current picture.
Why can't we just kind of focus on what we have now and just forget about what was and leave it exactly as that, your past.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Is it okay to talk about your ex around your current partner?
0:01–6:13
2
Why does Georgia feel overwhelmed by her partner’s constant ex‑talk?
6:13–14:31
3
How can you start a healthy conversation about ex‑talk with your partner?
14:31–20:01
4
When does jealousy over an ex become a relationship problem?
20:01–25:25
5
What boundaries should couples set around ex‑friendships and social media?
25:25–30:49
6
Should you share details of past one‑night‑stands or casual dates with a new partner?
30:49–36:28
7
How can you address concerns about ex‑photos and lingering connections in a new relationship?
36:28–40:16
8
What are the key takeaways for navigating ex‑related issues in a new relationship?
40:16–40:40