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Chapter 1: What unique performances open the William Montgomery Show?
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Junior Dancers. This week, Rattlesnake Dave. A performance by the Great Gorbini. And a mysterious loaf of raisin bread. And now, here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery! Oh, good. I got mine.
I just don't want to mess my hair up. Okay. No, I'm kidding. I don't have any hair to mess up. I was paying attention. Well, you were sweet. Yeah, I wasn't thinking about it, but... I know.
My God, I do get every now and again, though, Martin, there's this one man and I swear he sent me another message on Instagram, Martin, and he works over in the country of Turkey and he says I'd be a wonderful candidate for the hair transplant surgery. Yeah. It seems like you connect a lot with people on Instagram, because you had the rowing guy. Yes, oh my gosh!
People don't know, I don't know if they know, but you row, you... Yes, my dear friend Michael. And I went over when we did the show at MSG last year. Oh my gosh, yes, was able to go over to his apartment and he had all his birds in there flying around. He's a big fan of birds. But yes, he is somebody every now and again, I will communicate with somebody on Instagram.
And yes, that guy's name is Michael. Very nice guy. And we do actually, we speak on the phone every, Kind of frequently. I need to tell him that I signed up for classes. Martin, I'm going to learn how to do it on the water, my friend. I was going to ask if you actually wrote a boat. We'll see. Up to this point. Look at these birds, man. I know. Oh, my gosh. Martin Grant is very good at this.
And I am going to be honest. I've been in this kind of newer apartment, and I noticed these people. I got to walk past these apartments to get up to my place. And one of the people has a bird feeder. And I love looking at birds, so it's cool. But it looks like there's a bunch of bird shit just everywhere. And you know what? I just got a bird feeder. Oh, did you?
But it took a long time to get birds. Are you now finally getting them? I'm getting a few. I get a lot of little squirrels. I'm getting a few, but I guess with not having birds, I'm going to have the bird shit problem. Yeah, it's bad. I don't have that much bird shit, but also it's taking a while to... Yeah, apparently birds, like, they don't know how to smell, I guess, which makes sense.
Yeah, do they have a nose in their beak? Yeah, I can't think of that. It's more visual. They have, like, seafood, because every other animal can sniff it out, but birds are more, and, yeah, more eyesight. They're more like, oh, that's... Interesting. Well, hopefully they're going to start seeing your bird feeder. Yeah, I have a couple. Yeah, I have to, like, put it on the ground. Oh, really?
Yeah, it was too high up. I'm on the first floor. Okay. I don't know how it works. I don't know the secrets. What, do you have just a patio out there or something, and it's sitting on the ground in the patio?
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Chapter 2: How do William and Martin connect through social media?
Literally, yes. Nice. I did hang it up. It was kind of really high up there. Anyway, the squirrel is for the first one. Oh, my gosh. But then I saw a couple, a few weeks, I saw a dead squirrel in the complex. And I was like, uh-oh. I hope that's not from the food. I hope the birds didn't get them for stealing their food. I hate it. It could have been. I don't know.
Yeah, it was just like dead there. So squirrels are a mess. And I hate to admit to this, Martin, and I forgot about it. I swear to God, until you just brought up the dead squirrel. I think I hit one the other freaking day. And normally I'll slow down for a squirrel for sure. But this squirrel ran right in front of me. And I'm thinking, dude, don't you see I'm in this car? Why do you do this?
Same with deer, right? I know with the deer! You know, deers, I read, they don't sleep too much. Really? So that might impact how they act. Or maybe they just want you to kill them. They could, they could just be real sad. Put me to sleep, put me to sleep. Yeah, just put me out of my misery. God. Yeah, they hate a squirrel way different than... Hitting a deer.
Yeah, a deer could probably kill your rat going through the windshield. Yeah. Have you ever had a deer? Thank the Lord, I have not. I've come close. They may have jumped. You're kidding. Yeah, they jumped in front of me. Where were you? What state were you in? Oh, you know what? I used to work at a summer camp in, like, middle of nowhere, Virginia. Oh, that's probably nice.
Yeah, it looked just like a deer. The one that you almost hit? But yeah, you can even nod in the middle of nowhere. There's deer around and they could jump out. I would see them when I worked up in Wyoming up in the Tetons. I worked up in a gas station up there. I'd see big deer walking around. And I would also see a mama grizzly bear and her little grizzly cubs.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Martin share about rowing and bird watching?
And I'd be in the gas station just peeking out of the window just thinking, they don't break glass, do they? And they don't, but... Did you move to Wyoming to work at the gas station? At the gas station. I ran into, I had graduated from the, and I want to thank, I don't think we've introduced my dear friend, Martin Phillips. And this is a historic one. This is the first time you've ever been on.
I've seen that. I haven't heard about that. Well, thank you so much. It's a great pleasure. One of my fellow people coming up with minutes. You're wonderful, Mark. In my opinion, I promise you, you're one of the funniest people coming up with the minutes. In my opinion, you are up there with anybody else. Well, thank you. You are. You're doing great. Same to you.
You have to do a lot more than I do. Well, you're sweet. That's why I can get away with sometimes. Oh, okay. Yeah, everyone's like... It's all the time. People always say you should be a regular, and I'm like, well, I'm not campaigning for it. Yeah, yeah. But if I do it every week, I can't promise it's going to be gold.
I've had some good appearances, but if I'm there every week, I don't know, am I... It makes it a little more difficult. And Tony, it seems like from my perspective, the show is a tad different in that there are more of the golden ticket folks and stuff, which I think is a good idea.
But I think because at one point in time, what when it was like myself and David and Hans was kind of us literally every week. And it seems like it's just kind of evolved a little or something. Yeah, like getting more people involved. To be able to go in there. Yeah, because it seems like a lot of us aren't able to do it every week. Yeah.
So that he has people to go to and people come back into town. For sure. I don't think any of us actually know Tony's thoughts.
process correct i'm sure not at all yeah i'm just like oh well yeah whatever you know whatever right i hear it's not me i just show up do it and totally see how it goes so i don't know knickknack grant knickknacks are something else my friend because you know what knickknack has What? Knick-knack has something called nicotine. And nicotine is, I think people are calling it a superfood.
Not a superfood, but it's a brain thing. Oh. I think they're calling nicotine a brain thing. And knick-knack is really great for that because I'm going to be honest, Grant, these days, how one gets their nicotine, you get, what, popcorn? lung with the vape. So you can't you got to be careful doing that. They'll throw you in jail if you're in an airplane.
The the pouches you put in your mouth, you're spitting them out everywhere. You're causing a whole bunch of of of distress for the earth. And then cigarettes. I mean, that's just you're also distressing the earth and distressing your lungs and everybody around you. The horrible smell. But Grant, you know where knickknack comes in. It's nice. It doesn't do any of that, right?
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Chapter 4: What are the humorous aspects of discussing sex robots?
And then I started as communication. And then I probably could have stuck with it. Oh, look, look. Oh, see, that's... I could have done any of that. And, um... As my plan was... And comedy. That's why we need... There we go. Yeah, I studied political science. So kind of similar. Pretty similar. That's why after we graduated, we're like... Didn't know what to do. What do we do now?
Yeah, I don't even know what... Martin, I don't even know what I would recommend to a young person these days about college. I would say try not to go into debt or something. Like, luckily, I went to Tennessee. I was able to get this in-state tuition thing. So it was like... I can't imagine if I racked up a bunch of debt, then I'm working at the gas station in Wyoming. Yeah.
I couldn't have done that. Probably. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. What did you almost get your master's or what did you start to go to graduate school? So the, my plan is, Because I also started to do comedy at this time. Okay. And it was, so, you know, when you become a teacher, you know, you work during the day and have your nights off, you know. For sure, you get a summer off.
Yeah, but it is a very, they warn you about that and about how it won't work well if you do that. And they were right because I really did not give a fuck about, so yeah. What was the, so what was it? You were going to get a master's in history, something in history? Yeah, education, social studies. Yeah. And then I went to get a master's in history and freaking I went one semester.
This was some years after I'd already graduated. And I remember I've talked about this a bunch. But Dr. Marler calls me into his class after six months after the first semester. How many ever months is in a semester? And he's like, you'll never be able to do this. You need to just drop out now. And I remember wanting to cry, but I think it was for the best. Yeah, I'm sure that probably was.
And I also realized because I like history, but I realized I didn't like history all that much where it was like what I was studying for the historiography, like the debates of the historians about the specific people they're writing about. Like it got into this aspect of history that I didn't even know existed. And it wasn't really very interesting to me. Yeah, I'm sure.
You have to read all... Well, you know, they tell you to read it, but... Yeah. I'll be honest. There's a lot of readings I didn't do. Yeah, I learned how to, like, read the first sentence of a paragraph and the last one. I was doing this bullshit reading method there for a while where I wasn't, like, really reading the stuff. Yeah, but then I felt bad because I was, like...
Spent a lot of money on this textbook. Yeah. I feel like I should use this. For sure. Well, now if we were doing it, what would we theoretically maybe be using AI and shit? I mean, are students now just using AI out the front for like everything? Yeah, probably, I guess. That'd be scary. Good or bad, but I would think that's a scary thing. I think it helps organize your thoughts at least.
Which that could be good, right? Maybe there's good stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I don't have too much. I don't know either. We're pretty older, so that's the future. The robot tutor. Yeah, humanoid robot. That's when it's really going to take form is when they get into the robot bodies. These AI things get into the bodies. Yeah, it's going to be scary. It's very iRobot. Yes.
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Chapter 5: What challenges do graduates face when transitioning to the real world?
Damn. Yeah, I literally never... Knew that. That looks like a pirate hand. I picture Smee or Hook or something not having that middle finger. Oh, my gosh. Oh, there he is doing a gator chomp, maybe after we beat George Mason. No, I'm kidding. Wait, so are you watching that? Not to get on that, but do you still watch the tournament and stuff? Yeah. How are y'all this year?
Y'all any good this year? So we started off pretty hot, basically. Okay. We're winning, you know, doing good. And then we went through this weird, like, five-game losing streak. Uh-oh. Not only did we lose, but we were getting our ass kicked. Like, we were losing by, like, 20.
Chapter 6: How does March Madness influence the conversation?
Uh-oh. But then the last we won... two out of the three last games. And one of the losses was pretty close. In the last game, we beat, like, the number one or number two seed in the conference. I didn't watch it. I'm not sure if they arrested players or something. But I think we're still, like, number four in the conference. So y'all will be in the tournament. Yeah, win the tournament. Nice.
Do you make a bracket? I mean, not with, like, the conference tournament, you know. But, yeah, the big... Yeah, for the big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always fun doing those. So, of course, do that. But, yeah, I think last year we made the NIP. Okay. The smaller one. So, I think, really, you know, with a five-game losing streak, you really got to do good. The conference tournament.
Which is probably happening right now because I think the SEC one's happening right now, maybe. I think our first game will be Thursday. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, so it's in Pittsburgh, the 50th anniversary of the A-10 Athletic Conference. Damn, I didn't know 810 had been around 50 years. I mean, they probably had a lot of teams back then. They probably had the 10 teams then.
Now they're just like, fuck them. A bunch more. Yeah, like 18 or so. Yeah, there's probably about to be just a couple super conferences. Yeah, and it's just basketball. They don't... Oh, okay, okay, okay. They used to have a football team. So it's primarily a basketball team. I mean, yeah, I mean, they have the other sports, too. I was saying major is focused on the basketball.
So, say, look, we're a fifth seed. We have to buy. And we... We did beat Bonaventure at St. Bonnet. That's what that is. Nice. Like a couple of weeks ago. Where's Duquesne? I can never remember where the hell that is. It's in Pittsburgh. Oh, Pittsburgh. You said that correctly, too. Oh, did I? Yeah, it is Duquesne. I mean, I guess you could say that all kinds of ways. It looks weird.
I would say by looking at it, I don't think I knew the pronunciation. Maybe Duchesne or something. Yeah, something like that. So it looks like the other team plays tomorrow. So yeah, I don't know. We'll see, hopefully. You going to watch the game at 2 p.m. on USA? Well, I'm traveling Thursday. Where are you going? Oh, man, I'm going to Hawaii. Oh, my gosh. Are you doing shows?
Are you just a trip? No, I got a couple of shows lined up for the weekend. Oh, that's wonderful. Get there kind of early. Yeah, you got to make a little trip out of it. Chill out. Oh, that's wonderful. Yeah, first time. Where do you stay? What island do you? It's on the big island. The big island. The big one. I know they have like the volcanic. Are you going to try to see some?
Yeah, I'm definitely going to go to the park and chill at the beach and whatnot. What are the venues? Do they just have some? What are like the venues where you perform out there? Yeah, it was set up by this group, Can't Even Comedy. Cool. Yeah, I think they're, I don't know exactly, but one's like a tavern or something. Oh, okay, okay. What a wonderful place to go to shows.
Yeah, they reached out and asked. Cool. If I was interested, I was like, Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. That's wonderful. It should be pretty chill. Do they still do a direct flight from Austin? Because I know they were. I do not have a direct flight. Where do you have to fly first? LAX. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, and I think that's it. Oh, my gosh. What a wonderful fucking poster you have.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of AI and technology in education?
They're like, yeah, it was two deceased people murdered in Rob Reiner's house who are the same age as Rob Reiner and his wife. Yeah. Uh-oh. So it's Rob, right? Like, who else could it be? Yeah, yeah. It's just a guy who's his same age in his house. So, yeah, it sucks. Gosh. Yeah, it's very tragic. It's really a bummer because he's, you know, a cool guy. Never met him, but, you know.
In Stand By Me, didn't he do that one? In Stand By Me, the Princess Bride. Yeah, that's a classic. Yeah. Misery, dude. Misery? Misery, man. He did that? The Stephen King? Yeah, that was Rob Reiner, dude. I had no idea. Man, I started watching that the other night when I was somewhere, maybe a couple weeks ago, I was somewhere just in the hotel watching that. I started watching it.
Martin, I turned it off. I was like, I don't want to be feel stressed right now. Uncomfortable. Yeah. It was like starting to get all crazy with this after it already started. Someone was like, I don't. And he knocks the little penguin over and puts it the wrong way. And I'm like, OK, I remember she remembers that. Yeah. Shit off. Oh, yeah. He did a few good men. Oh, that's wonderful.
I saw that for the first time this past year. I love that one. When Harry met Sally, yeah, he had his classics. Taken too soon. I don't even know what you do in that situation with your kid doing it. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this is a whole other...
debate or a topic so i don't really know yeah yeah yeah neither do i oh my gosh that one the uh sort of kind of similar with somebody horrible killing people i thought it was good though we're in georgia wherever that school shoot at the guy's dad got a bunch of time i think Did you hear about that? I don't know if you follow any news like that. Yeah, I think I heard something.
I think that's good. I think if the parents are allowed, like, if it's some suicidal kid or some kid where something's obviously totally haywire and you have open access to your guns or whatever, yeah, I mean, I would assume, yeah, the parents should get in trouble because they're kind of totally complicit, kind of, in what's going on. Yeah, I guess. I don't know.
It's hard to... Yeah, I think I saw that on, like... I think in that case, it was especially bad, though, because they really knew he was all screwed up. And they still, like, gave him guns for his birth. Like, insanity, crazy stuff. Yeah, yeah. Because did you ever see the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin? Uh, no. Oh, you should watch that. What that movie's about is talking about Kevin.
It has John C. Reilly in it and Tilda Swinton, and basically it's like a situation where the guy ends up kind of getting people at the school, but it's kind of from the weird perspective of the mom getting harassed, so it's kind of an interesting movie. Interesting. Well... It's good. I loved it.
I saw it in theaters by myself when it came out because I read some little review about it and I ended up, there's a wonderful song at the end called Mother's Last Word to Her Son by an old African-American guy named Washington Phillips. And it got me, it made me, that movie made me fall in love with Washington Phillips. It's this very haunting song.
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