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The William Montgomery Show

Luke Bischoff | The William Montgomery Show Ep. 221

26 Feb 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What are Luke Bischoff's thoughts on New York winters?

3.625 - 40.504 William Montgomery

Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Junior Dancers. This week, Rattlesnake Dave. A performance by the Great Gorbini. And a mysterious loaf of raisin bread. And now, here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery!

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40.524 - 60.684 Luke Bischoff

I texted Ashwin. That's his name. Yeah, yeah. I texted him earlier. I'm like, do you remember Luke? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, yeah, his number was in my phone. I was like, yeah, me too. Yeah, we had an impactful couple of weeks. I don't know why. Is that what it was? Yeah, I mean, it was such a short-lived time I was in New York. It could have been that.

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60.704 - 82.738 Unknown

Is that what it was longer than a couple of weeks? Or was it just a couple of weeks? May have been three weeks. You were kind of... Hard to pin down in a certain way back then. You would be here and you would be there and like you're just kind of like a man possessed in a certain way. For sure. Am I talking into the mic all right?

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Chapter 2: How does Luke compare Austin's open mic scene to New York's?

83.019 - 83.5 Unknown

I just turned.

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83.52 - 85.685 Luke Bischoff

Yeah, I think so. Grant, how does it sound?

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85.925 - 100.383 Unknown

It actually sounds a little tinny, doesn't it? Um, is it possibly my voice? No, no. Tinny voice. Tinny. Ooh, when you said tinny, it sounded real tinny. I was listening to a bit of Metallica.

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100.944 - 113.904 Luke Bischoff

Oh, really? I think my favorite person in the Wizard of Oz is the tin man. No. That was a little too on the nose. That wasn't even a good one, really. Metallica was good. That was a good one.

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114.385 - 118.048 Unknown

I like the Tin Man. Does he have a hollow nose, the Tin Man?

118.348 - 138.426 Luke Bischoff

Yes, he had that weird hollow nose, and I think that's what killed him because you read all these stories about it. It was like a horror story for the poor actors during that time when they really filmed it, and I think that was part of the thing with him is the poisons got through that nose piece. The paint. The paint got his ass. Oh, my God. The lead paint. That's true, right? Yeah, I think so.

138.406 - 143.875 Luke Bischoff

Yeah, the lead paint got all on his ass. Wow. Oh, my God, Siri, he's going.

Chapter 3: What experiences does Luke share about his time at UCB?

143.955 - 150.224 Luke Bischoff

Grant, we're going? We're going. Wait, and Grant, so here is my question, though. What? Is that a new guy out there?

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151.527 - 156.354 Unknown

He looks scary. Who is that? No, that's just a client. That's a client?

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156.374 - 157.596 Luke Bischoff

What does he talk about here?

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158.318 - 162.345 Unknown

Well, I have kind of no idea. They seem like a bunch of business.

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162.365 - 164.368 Luke Bischoff

Is he a Texas Ranger? Texas Rangers.

164.428 - 169.697 Unknown

It's not the Texas Rangers. No, he just wanted to sit outside and listen to the other guys talking.

169.877 - 172.661 Luke Bischoff

What about that other lady out there I've never seen before? What's her deal?

173.142 - 178.691 Unknown

I think she's another person, a handler for like a VIP guest.

179.272 - 184.14 Luke Bischoff

Oh, Roseanne. Is Roseanne over there right now? I don't know if it's Roseanne. The lady from Even Stevens?

Chapter 4: What is the significance of the fake William Montgomery tour website?

196.633 - 215.815 Luke Bischoff

Ren Stevens? Yeah, Ren. Ren Stimpy. No, Ren Stimp. Yeah, Ren Stevens. Yeah. I wonder if her and Shia are still in touch. I don't know, but I've been seeing I'm very worried about Shia. I've been seeing it looks like he's running amok in New Orleans these days. That's what I've seen getting in fights with people in New Orleans.

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216.098 - 221.568 Unknown

Yeah. He seems to be in an odd way balanced about it. He seems to be enjoying it. I don't know.

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221.588 - 245.976 Luke Bischoff

Like, is that kind of how I, I hope. And for those watching, this is my dear old friend, Luke Bischoff and my phone bitch off. And that's how I knew I was like, okay, I totally remember Luke and I, for anybody wondering Luke and I. Had a very fun, and were these the summer months or the spring months? No, this is deep winter. Deep winter. Okay.

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245.996 - 249.884 Luke Bischoff

In New York City, and we were trying to figure it out. I think it was maybe 2012 or 2013.

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249.904 - 262.526 Unknown

Yeah, 2013, 2014. You mean the Indian doctor Ashwin. Ashwin, yeah. We're a little trio trouncing around lower Manhattan. Oh, my gosh. Trying to find our way. Trying to find our way in the game.

Chapter 5: How do statins and glyphosate affect health according to Luke?

262.806 - 285.336 Luke Bischoff

Grant, you would have been very proud of us. We were going around. We were doing a bunch of open mics and shows. And I have not seen Luke since then. Since, yeah, 2013 or 2014. Grant, actually, when was the last time, Grant, that the Patriots played the Seahawks? Because that was the Super Bowl playing when I moved to New York. So we can pinpoint the year.

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285.696 - 286.217 Unknown

Mm-hmm.

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286.771 - 315.218 Luke Bischoff

Let me look it up. Yeah, I mean, you got this beautiful, you did get that beautiful winter picture. I do remember it snowed a couple times when I was up there and I was listening to that song. Cause you're in New York. And I was like, oh. 2015, y'all. Oh, 2015. Okay. Okay. So that would have been at the beginning of... So that would have been at the end of 2014? Beginning of 2014? End of 2015?

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316.24 - 331.171 Luke Bischoff

Beginning of 2015? Vice versa. Beginning of 2015. But it was a very fun time. And oh, my gosh. So how's it been going with your ass here in Austin? Have you been enjoying Austin? I have.

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331.271 - 331.651 Unknown

I have.

Chapter 6: What are the implications of chimp attack movies discussed in the episode?

332.392 - 337.176 Unknown

It's what I got here in August. Just grinding out in the open mic scene.

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337.236 - 349.167 Luke Bischoff

And how is the open mic scene? Because I kind of I will go out on the road a decent amount, but I don't hit a lot of. How is it? It seems OK. Are there a lot of people involved that you see on a nightly basis?

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349.187 - 367.369 Unknown

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of. It ebbs and flows, but it seems like it's kind of picked up in the past couple months. Like the people coming out are kind of doubled, especially since the... Like after the storm. Like when I was going out in the early winter, it was kind of... There weren't that many people, but now it's like...

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367.349 - 372.342 Unknown

like huge lines everywhere to just sign up to just sign up mic or whatever.

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372.362 - 372.603 Luke Bischoff

Yeah.

372.743 - 394.586 Unknown

If you want to get on in the creaking cave at six, you got to be, and they put out the list at five 30, you're going to want to be there at like four 55, which is, uh, hard for a lot of people that have jobs. Yeah. Are you doing it or are you making it worse? How's it going? Yeah. It's going, it's going good. Uh, yeah. Make, making friends and having fun, staying loose, making people laugh.

395.067 - 404.379 Luke Bischoff

And I remember in New York, there was a wonderful website called bad Slava that I could look at it or tell you all the open mics and stuff that still exists.

404.399 - 406.742 Unknown

Uh, I don't know how current it is.

406.802 - 415.233 Luke Bischoff

It's now this, uh, I know I went to it kind of recently just to see for nostalgic purposes, and I saw it was still a website. I wonder if it's accurate.

Chapter 7: How does Luke feel about the current state of comedy and performance?

417.235 - 422.723 Unknown

And what is Bad Slava? Is it Bad Slava or Bad Slava? I think it's an Eastern European person.

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422.883 - 448.403 Luke Bischoff

It sounds Eastern European. And a little tidbit, I found out somebody messaged me yesterday about there's some website called WilliamMontgomeryTour.com. And it's not. And I was like, oh, maybe this is some good Samaritan helping me because it has like current kind of dates that I'm going on. And I click on the link and it's some like fake website. And I'm thinking these motherfuckers.

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448.535 - 451.78 Unknown

Emma Stone did a Super Bowl ad about that sort of thing.

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452.1 - 452.34 Luke Bischoff

Oh, really?

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452.36 - 471.808 Unknown

It was, like, for, like, GoDaddy. She was, like, it was all shot in, like, black and white, and she was being real dramatic, like, EmmaStone.org, EmmaStone.net. And, like, she lists all the different websites that had her name in it she didn't own. I forget how she concluded it, but it was some GoDaddy ad. So it's happening to people sometimes. Yeah.

471.788 - 491.216 Luke Bischoff

Oh, yeah. Yeah. What do I do? And apparently the company's in Ukraine. So I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, have I somehow angered Ukrainian people like I don't like that scares me because they're in a war right now. I don't need any kind of they should do all the drones over in a rush. I don't need somebody in my ass over here. Wait, so what is actually on the website?

491.677 - 506.744 Luke Bischoff

You click on it and they must be like if you click on a freaking thing, what what click on buy tickets grant. It's not like the club website. It needs to be the club website, but it goes into something where they're probably just stealing all the money.

506.824 - 509.59 Unknown

Yeah, this is kind of bad. It didn't even open anything here.

Chapter 8: What reflections does Luke have on his past experiences in comedy?

509.61 - 511.334 Luke Bischoff

Well, there it didn't even open.

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511.495 - 514.722 Unknown

Is it hacking your computer right now? It's going to StubHub.

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516.136 - 533.016 Luke Bischoff

StubHub. Do you recognize that picture? And I don't even, that's an AI picture. That's not even me. This is bullshit. Are you for real? Is that? Yeah. And if actually, if you look at the website, I had my booking agent dude look at it. I was talking to him when I was driving here because somebody alerted it to me last night. It kind of made me feel weird.

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533.757 - 551.927 Luke Bischoff

And at the bottom, apparently it has William Montgomery was born in Pocatello, Idaho in 1984, which I was not. I was born in 87 in Memphis. Yeah. But I have a cousin named William Montgomery who was born in Pocatello in 84. So they got some information on me, but they got the wrong information on my ass.

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551.947 - 552.929 Unknown

They did a little research.

553.31 - 560.746 Luke Bischoff

They did a little bit of research, but they did the wrong research. Wait, did you play at Lutherville Timonium? That's where I am this weekend.

561.227 - 561.668 Unknown

Oh, okay.

562.576 - 576.212 Luke Bischoff

They're probably really like Lutherville Timonium. That's where I'm going this weekend. That's a Luther. Where is that? It's outside of Baltimore, but it's like a fake city. Lutherville Timonium. That's where I am this weekend.

576.232 - 577.634 Unknown

Wait, is that one word? Lutherville?

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