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Chapter 1: What unique performances are featured in the introduction?
Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Junior Dancers. This week, Rattlesnake Dave. A performance by the Great Gorbini. And a mysterious loaf of raisin bread. And now, here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery!
Yeah, you're thinking that if you're working at Knickknack and you receive that?
Yeah, if I was a CEO of Knickknack, I would make sure you're the spokesman of Knickknack.
Well, you're so sweet to say that, Heath. Well, I was thinking that was going to happen for the Dr. Sasquatch people there a couple years ago when they allowed me to do some Dr. Sasquatch thing. But it never happened. I never heard back from Dr. Sasquatch after that. And I still use Dr. Sasquatch soap to this day. Yeah. It has some good grit to it.
It sounds like just going off the name alone. I think it's the manliest soap bar out there.
Manliest soap bar, bar none by far. It's like I would much rather have Heath a freaking, somebody open up my little cabinet in my bathroom and see a bunch of Dr. Sasquatch soap bars versus Dove soap bars. I mean, that's an old lady kind of freaking, that's old lady shit.
Yeah, man. I use Dove right now and I'm not proud of it. You're kidding. You really use Dove? It's for my skin. I got sensitive skin, William.
Oh my God. Well, fair enough. That's sweet. I think that's sweet because, again, if somebody is watching this and they do have skin issues or whatever, I was saying the thing about Dove because, yeah, historically it's kind of like maybe an older lady kind of thing, but old ladies need nice skin. Everybody needs nice skin.
Maybe I'm an old lady. I'm okay with that.
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Chapter 2: How did Heath Cordes become involved with Dr. Sasquatch soap?
What do you all use? Do you use bar soap, Grant? Yeah, I have a Duke Cannon. Duke Cannon. Have you had this one? Interesting. What does it smell like? Irish Spring? The one I have currently smells like bourbon.
Nice.
It's like a bourbon leather thing. Nice.
Damn, bourbon leather? Yeah. I'd fuck you right now, Grant.
That sounds awesome as hell. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, come in here. Let me smell your ass, man.
Let me smell your dick.
Let me smell your dick if you've really been using that kind of bourbon and leather. I got to remember that kind because I think right now my Dr. Sasquatch flavor, it's like King Kong.
that's a cool ass name which is a which is a cool name but it's kind of unappealing it's hard to tell i swear it smells like apes it smells like old fire in a hint of banana or something but like an old fire campfire like destruction i just pictures destruction after king kong's to come to your village
Yeah, I think that's the manliest flavor you can get, rape and pillaging with bananas.
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Chapter 3: What humorous experiences do the hosts share about personal hygiene products?
Yeah.
Yeah, I would love to inhale some of her bad luck. You think she's pretty attractive? I think she's a very attractive lady. Is she the young lady with the kind of big bosoms? She's got big bosoms, for sure. Did you know this, Grant? Grant, are you aware of her bosoms? Let me take a look here.
Oh, yeah, okay, I see. And you weren't kidding.
Yeah, I have a hard-on right now just looking at that. Oh, stop.
I can't help it. Yeah, we were texting last night, and it sounds like- You and Sidney Sweeney were texting last night? Shit. Hell no. I wouldn't even text with nobody last night, man. I was playing some video game last night. Hey, we don't need Sydney. That's her in the commercial. They need to put some napkin over that cleavage or something. I don't know. It's fun. It's good. I enjoy it.
But it's like, I don't know. You're selling soap. I don't think that's a good look.
Yeah, you're selling soap or tits. Come on.
Yeah, what is this? A porn? It's like a porn. Yeah, thank you, Grant. Yeah, that's what they need to do. They need to be smart like you, Grant.
Just put the logo over the tits. Logo over the titties. Let a little bit be left to the imagination.
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Chapter 4: What are the details of Heath's recent date and its outcome?
Oh, my gosh. And you're just fucked up on Xanax. Yeah.
Yeah. I woke up the next day in my brother's trailer and I was like, I need to go to rehab.
Oh, my gosh. And did you go to rehab?
I did, yeah.
Well, good for you. And then that kind of fixed that problem with the Xanax?
Well, I mean, I haven't done any, like, I haven't experimented with pills since then. So, yeah.
Cool. Well, that's a positive thing. Yeah. And you stopped drinking. I still got my issues, but... What? I said you've stopped drinking, but I was kidding.
I was kidding.
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Chapter 5: How does Heath navigate dating and relationships?
No, no, exactly.
You still have time to figure that out. How is that, though? You're not getting, like, blackout drunk all the time, are you?
No. I'm being better about keeping it in its appropriate place. Like, I'm doing my set sober now.
You have to figure it out so you're not like my stupid ass where I messed it up, where now if I went to a beach or something, I couldn't even have a margarita. Like, I feel kind of dumb.
Yeah.
that I messed it up. So try not to mess it up for yourself where you like, just feel like you get to the point where you just can't do it, which is what happened to me.
And I think eventually like that's the goal is just to stop completely. But right now it's just kind of like a baby step thing. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just like making sure that I can do my job. And then, you know, well, that's smart.
Not doing it with the comedy. Yeah. Cause yeah. I mean, it was real hard. It's hard to keep up.
It's a very fine balance. Whenever you're drinking, doing comedy, it's like a balance beam that you got to stay on with the appropriate amount of drinks and everything. And it's not worth it.
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Chapter 6: What challenges does Heath face with his career in comedy?
But yeah, I just like make sure because I infamously I missed the flight to open for Tony. When was that? A couple of years ago now? It was like March of 2024. Yeah. And so now I can not drink at all the night before a flight. And I just stay up the whole night. Yeah.
I remember that kind of. Yeah. Everything was okay with that, wasn't it? But it was probably just like. Well, I mean.
it's okay whatever yeah i still have my opportunities at the mothership and stuff like that but yeah that's great still working up there and everything and getting spots up there for sure it's good nice oh my gosh but that really for anybody watching or listening yeah yeah you got to be careful you cannot miss stuff because people could get mad just generally speaking i mean i'm sure your ass would have gotten mad at somebody you know what i mean if the
right right the amount of guilt i felt the next day was like incredible you know so yeah like it definitely rewired my brain whenever i have road work just to make sure that i get on that flight well yeah sometimes it just takes some some learning experience so that's a positive thing for sure oh my gosh so wait so what happened so last night though the girl she comes over so you didn't get the pizza because yeah red bear and i was thinking i'd like when i
Red Baron's the move. Get the avocado. I'd get a cheese Red Baron and get a whole avocado and cut the avocado and eat the entire thing.
That sounds very delicious. I've never had avocado on Red Baron pizza, but I definitely experiment with it.
No, it's very good.
Yeah, it makes it kind of gives it a sophisticated kind of taste a little bit. Yeah, I'm a classic pepperoni guy. That's what I grew up on. But yeah, the moment I saw there wasn't any pepperoni there, I was like, fuck it. And she didn't need any food. So it was less money I had to spend.
So what happens? So she comes over and you put on like a movie or something? Or what even is the move? Grant, what would you do, Grant?
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Chapter 7: What are the hosts' opinions on the impact of social media?
I've only seen the first one. So, yeah, let's do it.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Indiana Jones, the time in Denver that I stayed up all night long at my buddy's place. And he's like, oh, you want to take some drugs at 7 a.m.? And we haven't slept. And I'm like, sure. We eat a Pez candy. And then I... An hour later, go to sleep for 30 minutes on his inflatable mattress in his little main room in the apartment and wake up horribly tripping.
And it ends up being the 16 hour nightmare. I don't even know what it was. It was an acid because it was way longer than acid. It was some sort of experience. I don't know what it was. But I had to watch something that cooled me off before I was trying to get my roommate to take me to the emergency room. Thank God he didn't. Because it was an old buddy from Memphis and he knew I was okay.
But even though I was freaking out. But the... Indiana Jones movies. They mellowed me out a little bit.
Calm you down? That's awesome.
Yeah, I thought those were pretty good. And also The Founder, for whatever reason, with Michael Keaton about the McDonald's story. I watched that one as well. That one helped me.
That's a super underrated movie.
It's very good. Yeah, I enjoyed the Ray Kroc story. He kind of stole that idea from the McDonald's brothers.
He's a bad man. Yeah. Ray Kroc isn't a good guy. I think that's why it makes it such a good movie.
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Chapter 8: What insights do the hosts share about personal growth and experiences?
And there's been a few times where I've been like, oh, maybe I should click on that link.
Yeah, because I got something on Amazon. Right.
I mean, there's stuff you get where it's like, oh, it kind of makes sense. The scams are, like, getting better about realizing what purchases you've done most recently, which, yeah, you got to be careful.
Which is scary because that's all somehow following us on our phones. Yeah, I always assume. When I'm looking at my phone, whatever that I may be doing, I always assume somebody not only has access to my phone at that second, but also they're looking through my camera and they can even see my face and everything. I just always assume that. That's what's going on on my phone.
Not in a scary way, but just in a way that somebody always has access to my phone.
My phone is constantly listening to me. I'm just under that impression now because it's just insane. Like the moment I'll talk about something, there's an ad for it five minutes later on Instagram. Yeah, meta.
We got to thank old Zuckerberg. I saw that wonderful video. It was some UFC event or something that Mark Zuckerberg gets brought up on the Jumbotron, and he's kind of smiling and laughing sitting next to somebody, and everybody unanimously just starts booing his ass.
Yeah, fuck it.
And then you see kind of the smile immediately get out of his face, and he kind of does this other weird thing, and he's doing this or something, and then it cuts off.
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