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Two Dykes And A Mic

#350 - Brokeback P*ssy with Alli Bellairs

27 Jan 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What are the main themes of this episode?

2.984 - 26.948 McKenzie Goodwin

We are the greatest dykes in the world. Mackenzie Goodwin. Rachel Scanlan. Worldwide dykes for life. Hey! Two dykes, two dykes, two dykes. One mic, one mic, one mic, one mic. Yeah. Two dykes, two dykes. Who dykes, who dykes? We dykes, we dykes, we dykes.

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38.236 - 45.889 McKenzie Goodwin

Ladies and gentlethems, welcome to another episode of Two Dykes and a Mic. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. And I'm Mackenzie Goodwin's twin, Rachel Scanlina Lee.

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47.091 - 55.947 Rachel Scanlon

Hello! Dude, I like the way that we're coordinating on accident. A light wash denim jean, a white tee, and then a statement top.

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55.967 - 56.888 McKenzie Goodwin

Bold jacket.

57.088 - 73.2 Rachel Scanlon

And if there's one thing that I am, it's a statement bottom. And I am a... Statement top. I do believe that. Based on everything I know about you. And I'm scared of it. You look beautiful and gorgeous and stunning. I'm so happy to be with you. I've missed you. I've missed you a lot. I've missed you a lot.

73.28 - 83.04 McKenzie Goodwin

I want to go on the road with you. I don't want to say this. I don't want this to be taken out of context. For sure. I've been fiending for you. That's exactly. I've been yearning. Yeah.

Chapter 2: How do gay housewives navigate relationships?

83.441 - 84.342 Rachel Scanlon

For your touch. Yeah.

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84.603 - 86.186 McKenzie Goodwin

Yeah. And to be in your presence.

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86.206 - 96.426 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah. This is something that I've been waiting to hear from you for a long time. I do get the sense that I have to work so hard and leave town so often to get you to feed for me. But now.

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96.466 - 103.039 McKenzie Goodwin

But I am. Recently it's gotten to a point. I've gone feral for your ass. I've gone feral.

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105.128 - 122.584 Rachel Scanlon

I was on stage and I accidentally referred to like getting wet as my butter is churning. And now I've gone unferal for you. It's how quick I can get you and how quickly I can lose you. I'm mad. I was obviously talking about the Amish community. You know what? All I'm doing is talking about the Amish community on stage.

122.724 - 124.808 McKenzie Goodwin

Dude, I've been talking a lot about the Mormon community.

124.788 - 152.972 McKenzie Goodwin

okay yeah so this is making wait are you seeing bronwyn bronwyn yeah are you seeing bronwyn we've got to get into here's the thing guess what i'm almost all cut up with salt lake are you i blew through six seasons i'm only on season two genuinely you can't stop me once i've been given a taste of mormonism yeah oh and lisa barlow oh i'm blowing through it i have been playing mahjong and watching salt lake at the same time people are into me yeah people are into me that's probably why i'm fiending 100 that's why i'm

152.952 - 155.658 McKenzie Goodwin

Those tiles just kind of click clacking. Clicking.

156.861 - 173.894 Rachel Scanlon

My algorithm, and this isn't what I want to get into. We have a lot going on in this episode. I'm so glad that you guys are here. We have an amazing episode. We have an amazing episode. Also, go rate and review the podcast. Also, I'm going to be on the road. My tour is called A Bit Much. I have 17 cities announced. It is, dude. I am loving it. Tell us where the cities are.

Chapter 3: What insights are shared about Miley Cyrus's engagement?

210.127 - 223.442 Rachel Scanlon

Here's what I'm thinking. For Halloween, I go as Indiana Jones. You go as that big boulder. And you're just running after me the entire party. You're chasing me. I'm chasing you through the Hollywood Hills. Every time I see you, I go...

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224.317 - 249.868 McKenzie Goodwin

done it's the cutest couple's costume mackenzie gave me these shoes if you're wondering they give me so much height those were such a good gift the best you're not watching watch this episode on youtube or spotify these why aren't you watching also on patreon um these shoes i saw them on i don't want to brag but i'm pretty deep into ebay were these an ebay buy and so was this jacket i got this jacket for erica for christmas she vintage

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249.848 - 271.941 Rachel Scanlon

gave it back to you vintage 90s no she told me i could wear it on the pod that's nice to show it off okay back okay sorry phoenix arizona march 6th through 7th new orleans march 13th and 14th i'll be in cincinnati ohio march 20th cincinnati i knew you wouldn't let me get away with it i'll be in cincinnati ohio hello is jane there

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271.921 - 273.963 McKenzie Goodwin

Let's watch that soon.

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274.443 - 287.576 Rachel Scanlon

Is there a way that you and I can just go on some type of application together, watch that movie with our fans and our friends and our listeners? I would love to do a Sweetest Thing watch party.

288.037 - 290.84 McKenzie Goodwin

Wait, what are we doing? What are we doing? Let's watch that.

291.24 - 310.126 Rachel Scanlon

Okay. It's just the lip gloss scene over and over again. We've cut it together. We have had Leah cut together. 90 minutes of Christina Applegate looking for a lip gloss between Cameron Diaz's legs. Then I'll be in Seattle March 26th through 28th. Say Cincinnati one more time. Cincinnati. Okay, go. Okay, then Boston April 24th.

310.527 - 319.024 Rachel Scanlon

And then I'll be in Charleston, South Carolina April 30th through May 3rd. Which, by the way, I think that's the home of Southern Charmed. Southern Charmed.

319.845 - 329.801 McKenzie Goodwin

What's wrong with you today? Did I say Southern Charmed? That's not a lesbian. Imagine the reboot of Charmed, but they are in the South. Oh my God.

Chapter 4: How do Midwest and Southern cultures overlap?

386.95 - 408.493 McKenzie Goodwin

I know. But I'm a proud wife for you for all of eternity. Do you want to list some things? I want to list some things. So Erica, you know how I, and when we were on the road, I was talking about how she joined a queer football league. Yeah. And it was flag football. And I was like, I went to their first game and it was embarrassing. Yeah. And they were taking it really seriously. Yeah.

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408.473 - 426.781 McKenzie Goodwin

Not playing too well. Not playing too well. Not completing a lot of plays. Not a lot of balls were caught. OK. And so I was really trying to be in my wag era of like I'm going out and supporting my wife. I went to another game. They did a lot better. Erica got a touchdown. I was seeing her jump up bat balls out of the air. She was doing amazing.

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426.901 - 427.902 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah.

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427.922 - 435.931 McKenzie Goodwin

They won the championship. They won the course. I want you to see. And I'm just so proud of her. She got a trophy.

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435.951 - 439.282 Rachel Scanlon

She's so happy. That's the trophy that looks like your head shape.

439.643 - 442.973 McKenzie Goodwin

The Lombardi trophy. I have an ancient alien skull.

443.616 - 445.522 Rachel Scanlon

She... She's so happy.

445.542 - 446.465 McKenzie Goodwin

She's so happy.

446.826 - 447.508

Look at Eve!

Chapter 5: What is the significance of the 'MILF Ask a Dyke' segment?

493.735 - 500.226 McKenzie Goodwin

She wrote her second book. Yes. And this is called Take Two. I'm going to send Leah. This is the cover. Show me.

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501.168 - 504.914 Rachel Scanlon

I already DM'd her a thousand times, but that's redhead representation. Thank you, Erica.

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504.934 - 505.835 McKenzie Goodwin

She did do a ginger.

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505.995 - 514.849 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah. And that's pretty important for representation. Representation matters. It does. And my community oftentimes get overlooked. It's me, Raggedy Ann, and Lindsay Lohan, and that's not enough.

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515.53 - 517.693 McKenzie Goodwin

And those are all lesbian gingers.

518.334 - 525.184 Rachel Scanlon

Obviously. Obviously. I'm fully loaded over here. Raggedy Ann is a dyke. Hey, Raggedy Ann's a dyke.

526.295 - 542.057 McKenzie Goodwin

We all knew it. We're all thinking it. We're all thinking it. That's the platform I'm running on. Anyways, I wanted. What is it about? So it's about two. This is what's so fun. It's about two actresses who were actors in college together, fell in love with each other.

542.138 - 542.338 Unknown

Yes.

542.518 - 563.736 McKenzie Goodwin

Then one gets cast and leaves the other one. So they become stars in their own rights on different coasts and become like big actresses. And then they're both forced into not forced. They audition and are cast in a lesbian movie together where they have to pretend to be lovers and they are ex lovers. So it's like us. It's just like us. It's just like us.

Chapter 6: How do the hosts discuss their personal experiences with attraction?

699.941 - 703.013 Rachel Scanlon

You've been wanting to fuck a lot of inanimate objects lately.

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703.6 - 720.59 McKenzie Goodwin

Sorry. That's my thing. I like that about you. Okay. In gay news this week, there's been a lot of, you know, Salt Lake City has been airing. Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. A lot of people are making edits on TikTok, Instagram, etc.

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720.751 - 726.884 Rachel Scanlon

Oh, my phone is dripping with edits of Bronwyn. Yeah. No notes. Bron.

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728.007 - 728.448 McKenzie Goodwin

Bronwyn.

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728.728 - 729.59 Rachel Scanlon

Bronwyn and Whitney.

729.751 - 730.091 McKenzie Goodwin

Whitney.

730.252 - 732.116 Rachel Scanlon

I'm seeing like. Whitney's a day one too.

732.397 - 735.825 McKenzie Goodwin

She's like a from the jump season one Salt Lake girl.

735.985 - 756.798 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah. Oh yeah. Bronwyn's a little bit more new. Right. I don't know Bronwyn as well because I'm still stuck in season two. That's my own issue. Yeah. You'll get there. I'm trying. You'll get there. But I am seeing not just like... You know when the internet will take something and put music to it and play it in slow motion? I'm seeing those super fan edits of standing these two together.

Chapter 7: What are the guests' thoughts on queer representation in media?

841.149 - 845.695 McKenzie Goodwin

Kind of like when they had their little friendship that went deep.

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847.238 - 879.171 Rachel Scanlon

These... Sometimes I look at women in the complex... deep deep relationships and bond that they're forming yeah with each other yeah and i'm like a man can't no that's why i love a girl's trip i'm loving a girl's trip the way that lesbians love a girl's trip did somebody say girl's trip i'm already packing my zinc oxide you know what i mean get me there girl's trip why don't we do girl's trips

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879.472 - 886.204 Rachel Scanlon

I think we do. Literally, that's our job. We're doing girl strips all fall. It's my favorite thing.

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886.264 - 906.822 McKenzie Goodwin

Me too, dude. I love doing that. Okay. In other gay news. I don't know if you saw this, but. Tell me. I don't have any water. Sorry. Were you going to spit it out on me? No, I'm just, my lips are so dry. Miley Cyrus got engaged. That's right. She did? Miley Cyrus got engaged. To who? This is why. There's multiple reasons I want to. How do you think she proposed?

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907.684 - 935.232 McKenzie Goodwin

I love that you think how did she propose. It's. I don't know if. Miley, she can't be tamed. I don't know if she proposed. So she is engaged to a man. Max with two X's. Man. Morando. Okay. Max Morando. He is a musician. I don't know if you know this. Two musicians. He's the drummer for the band Lily. Lily spelled with two I's. Okay. So now we have two X's in his name.

935.252 - 940.299 Rachel Scanlon

I feel like you're goading me into having a reaction. I think you're just breadcrumbing me to pop off.

940.359 - 948.91 McKenzie Goodwin

I have another thing for you. Great. And I think you're going to pop off on this one. They debuted the engagement ring at the Avatar Fire and Ash world premiere.

948.93 - 955.563 Rachel Scanlon

No, they didn't. Stop trying to get me to lose it. Every detail is upsetting me.

955.683 - 977.555 McKenzie Goodwin

I have a question for you. No. Here's my question. If you were a Miley Cyrus-level celebrity... Which I am. You're close to being. Very close to being. What world premiere would you... Announce? Announce your engagement on? If not Avatar, which I do believe Miley... Perfect choice. Perfect choice.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts approach the topic of dating apps and relationships?

1055.543 - 1061.811 McKenzie Goodwin

I don't know if you saw, but Gillian Anderson and Lena Headey are starring in a new Netflix TV series.

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1061.832 - 1061.992 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah.

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1062.192 - 1073.909 McKenzie Goodwin

Yeah. And it is called Stay With Me, The Abandons. Yeah. It is. It's called Brokeback. Brokeback. It's called Brokeback. Sorry. Sorry, Leah bleeped that.

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1074.269 - 1078.84 Rachel Scanlon

Who are you? I don't know. You can't say Brokeback P***y. Leah bleeped all of it. This is a public episode.

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1078.86 - 1094.523 McKenzie Goodwin

Leah bleeped it. I'm sorry. It just came to me. It felt right. Was it? Yeah. Of course it was. Okay, they're in a- Welcome back to Brokeback P***y. Stop. Okay, stop. Welcome back to the shock, though. This TV show is the lesbian version of Yellowstone.

1094.703 - 1095.004 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah.

1095.024 - 1097.446 McKenzie Goodwin

Is what it looks like. I haven't seen a trailer. I've only seen photos.

1097.466 - 1097.646 Rachel Scanlon

Yeah.

1097.786 - 1098.687 McKenzie Goodwin

I haven't flown in yet.

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