Kill Tony Hits Netflix & Kyle Dunnigan’s Most Hated Impression | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer 1h 17m 4 speakers transcribed
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Tom Segura 0:00
my new special lucky is streaming right now on netflix check it out 100 Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. Today's topics, the situation in Ukraine. The market continues to go down, and there's no better person to discuss real-world issues with than my regular co-host, Bert Kreischer. But he is at fat camp. And so as he continues to try to lose 150 pounds... We have an incredible fill-in. This guy, you've seen him on CNN. You've seen him on Fox News. You've seen him on PBS. You've seen him on 60 Minutes. It's Kyle Dennegan, everybody.
Kyle Dunnigan 0:50
Yeah. Thanks for my credits. I'm not even 150 pounds, so you lose more than I am.
Tom Segura 0:56
How much do you weigh?
Kyle Dunnigan 0:57
I'm really light. I haven't weighed myself in a couple months, but I'm about $1.40. Dude. Yeah. What's that like? it's good for jumping and um i bet you can run like the wind right i can run pretty fast girls can pick me up that's kind of like yeah do you ever you ever hook up with like a chick who's like significantly yeah really yeah it's like a six footer who's like yeah i did how was that um it's a little weird but uh you kind of like it though i have to like change you know my kink has to be like baby like i'm a baby yeah yeah you know that's what's wrong with that it's nothing and then yeah you get like a diaper and that kind of thing but it is yeah yeah yeah I'm like I it feels like a different species when a woman's like Yeah, yeah. Like, that much bigger than me.
Tom Segura 1:48
Well, sometimes, like, I remember I did a show one time, and after the show, there was a woman in the lobby. She was 6'4". And somebody was like, oh, yeah, she plays for Team USA Volleyball. And I looked at her like she was a sculpture in a museum. Like, I went up there, and I was like... I just admired her. I was like, Jesus Christ. She was also super feminine.
Kyle Dunnigan 2:09
She wasn't... Right. You can be like, that's beautiful, but you don't sexualize them because it's just a different species. It's a species, yeah. Women love tall, too. They like men to be tall more than ever.
Tom Segura 2:20
I know. Sometimes it's people's... like their bio don't talk to me if you're not you know what I mean yeah I'm on dating apps it's like under 5'10 don't bother don't bother don't bother ouch which is crazy I think because it's always been a thing where I go yeah most men like we go well I dated a girl that was 5 feet tall yeah and I dated a girl that was 6 feet tall and what you'll find is you'll you'll just like somebody for who they are you're gonna vibe with you don't go into it being like she's only 5 feet no Yeah, I tell them, I say, eventually I get hot after a while. Yeah.
Kyle Dunnigan 2:57
And they just don't believe me. Are you dating now? I go on dates and it's not been good. Why? Well, it might be... I'm definitely the common denominator, but I don't think I'm weird. I think I'm doing a good job on the dates. Okay. But there's a lot of, well, you got to pay for the thing, which is fine. Because women pay for their hair and stuff. Right. And that's expensive. And I'm like, that's cool. Yeah. But then sometimes this one girl came and just like... like ragged armpit hair. And it's like, if we're doing the, I'm a man, you're a woman, you gotta do the woman thing. We're doing, you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So that, and then I don't know, I find, um, I, I think it's like really hard for people to go on dates. It's just a lot of pressure.
Kyle Dunnigan 3:50
And then you, the guy has to, you have to plan the date. Yeah. That's another thing, which I don't do stuff like I don't. So I'm presenting like this is who I am not right, right away for a month. I'm like,
Tom Segura 4:03
oh you want to go wine tasting no it's not me i don't do that but so isn't it better like because that's what we all everybody who's been on a date knows what you're talking about which is you're presenting who you think yeah like and then after a month you gotta go he's dead yeah yeah you'll never see him again that guy doesn't even i don't drink wine no what the fuck is wrong with you
Kyle Dunnigan 4:26
I do like to drink on a first date, but I don't really drink much.

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