Uncle Si's Hospitalization Gets Martin in Big Trouble with the Feds
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What did Si say about his beloved cat Sweetpea?
I didn't say that. That's why I said it doesn't. But that's just the generic term I use for it. I'll get her something saying, thanks for being a good sport.
I'm supposed to get Allison some hair thing for Valentine's Day, but it's expensive.
You'd be all right. You can make it. Think all that money you're saving on food now, Sam.
Think all that money you make? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I got Anna a bread cooker.
Oh. That's a good idea.
That's what I'm talking about. Y'all got fresh bread. Old-made sourdough bread. Yeah, you on that bread.
I had the first carb I've had in three weeks last night, and I almost pooped my pants in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru this morning.
Oh, so you went and run it back again. Yeah.
Well, I got the egg white grill. It's a healthy one.
Oh, okay.
But you know how in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru, you can't get out.
No, that's it. You're in there. Locked in.
Beads of sweat were forming on the forehead.
And I said, we are in a bind. Forehead's fine. Mustache, bigger deal.
Didn't get there.
Yeah.
And then I get to the window, and I feel relief. I'm like, all right, I'm going to make it to work. And they're like, can you please pull forward? We'll have that out in a second. I'm like, oh, no. But at that point, I feel like I could have escaped. So the pressure was relieved.
Oh, okay. Yeah, you could have left if you had to.
You could have come back and got your breakfast. That was about a $9 Coke Zero, but instead I got my breakfast.
Oh, wait till you get my age. Uh-oh.
Did it hit you fast?
Oh, my goodness. You can't trust a fart.
Uh-uh.
You can't do it.
Yeah.
I've had multiple incidents over the last few years. Now, I would say about once a year. And nothing, no warning whatsoever. Nothing in my brain said, this is not gas. And guess what?
How does the group handle hunting season's end?
It's a problem. It happens to everybody.
Yeah. Jumbo lie squirts. Yeah.
I've talked... My buddy Drew has some of the greatest poop in his pants story ever. When he lived in Dallas, he got stuck in that ice storm.
Oh, no.
And he couldn't get home. And he was just stuck on the interstate for an hour. And he's like, I'm never going to make it. And he makes it. Gets out of his car. Steps on the sidewalk. Ice. And he slips about three inches. Well, all muscles relaxed. Pooped in his driveway. Sad day. You ever pooped your pants, Martin? No.
I mean, I think I'm about two years on that clock. I try to keep a running tally of when I have to reset to the last time I crapped my pants clock.
That's a grown man.
It gets worse when you're duck hunting.
Worsher. That's a cool word.
Oh, yeah. Because, hey, that way you get double jeopardy there.
Double jeopardy.
What? Why is that double jeopardy?
Because you got waded at all.
Oh, yeah. I tried to do that the other day after hunting. I tried to, you know, I went to go take a leak and... that wanted to happen. And I was like, nope, nope. So then, you know, I was like, I just had to zip back up real quick. So, cause it don't matter how you slice it. A little crap is a big deal. You know, like, I mean, like whether it's the full bore or just a little bit, it's a big deal.
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