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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Las Vegas, who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? What the fuck is up, Las Vegas, Nevada? Make some noise for Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen. Hey! Oh my goodness. How fucking exciting is this? We are here. Wow. Energy here in beautiful Resorts World Theater in Las Vegas, Nevada is palpable. Very, very beautiful place. Supposed to be one of the newest theaters here in Vegas.
How many of you live in Nevada? Wow. So you guys get to see some real shit live in the flesh tonight. Let's just jump right in. How about a hand for the best damn band in the land, huh? We get to see them live on this one. That is indeed the great Grooveline Horns. Make some noise for Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, and Fernando Castillo. That is Michael Gonzalez on the drums.
The great Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. John Dee's on the keys. And that's Dee Madness, ladies and gentlemen. His first time playing here in Las Vegas, Nevada. At least that's where he thinks he is. We have a very fun show planned for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? We have two guests tonight, a two guest show. Introducing your first guest, a man who is one of my favorite comedians of all time, one of my favorite comedic actors of all time. Many, many saying that this is the front runner for the 2024 Guest of the Year. Las Vegas, I'd like to introduce you to the great and powerful Harlan Williams.
Fully recovered from Lyme disease. He's back. Yeah. Actually, go to that one. Go to that one. Yeah. Harlan Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Wow.
Wow. I got to tell you, gang, this is a... This is a... Well... We almost lost him to Lyme disease. No, this is a tough night. As you know, Tony, and most of you who follow me on the inter-Google, 17 years ago today, my father passed away. And he was killed by rabies. He was attacked by a rabies skunk.
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Chapter 2: What is the atmosphere like in Las Vegas during the show?
We're farm folk. And as you know, one day, you can read it on the intergoogle, my dad was out in the cobs, and we heard some rustling around, and the old man was bit by a rabies skunk and passed away. So this is a big knife for me, and I want to thank you for having me here.
Dad, I hope you're in the big niblet in the sky. I feel like he's looking over us right now. I can smell the rabies skunk beaming off of him. Yep, that's a sign right there. That was him. Yeah. Harland is joining us all night long with one other guest, and I'm going to bring out that guest right now.
While sitting here with who many claim will be the 2024 Guest of the Year, joining us on this panel is Kill Tony Hall of Famer, a Golden Ticket winner, and the 2023 Guest of the Year. Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed the one and only Dr. Phil! Oh, shit!
Oh, boy!
Oh, God! Oh, he is already... Oh, my goodness.
Oh, boy.
Oh. Oh, my God. No one does it quite like them, folks.
Vegas, make some fucking noise if you're excited to be alive tonight. Jigging those titties and get those hands in the air. Let's fucking go.
It's Wednesday.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the guest introductions?
Red, white, and blue.
Yes, America. That's the correct answer. Be sure to answer it that way on your exam for citizenship. That's the sound. When you hear that sound, you know you're that much closer.
I've never gambled. I've never even tried to put money on something. I'm very excited to lose all of it. Okay. I've heard of this expression, beginner's luck. I might win a million dollars tonight.
What game are you thinking about playing?
It was the guys were talking in the back. It's Baccarat. It's Baccarat. It is the famous game of poker. And then I want to pull a lever to win some coins.
I love it. You're in for some... I don't think coins have come out of a slot machine in 30 years. I have Apple Pay, too.
There's also a fun way to gamble. You get into an Uber pool, okay? You take your dick out and you see if you get arrested or not. Don't try it. Unless you're feeling lucky.
If someone came up to you in the casino and said, I'll give you a million bucks if you'll sleep with me tonight, would you do it, my guy?
Who is this person asking me? Robert Redford. Don't know who that is. I will do it.
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Chapter 4: How does Harland Williams reflect on his past experiences?
Is it me or should more gay men be winning these hot dog eating contests?
I just feel like they practice more. Thank you.
Wow, Cory Grumpy Johnson, a great comedy name. I saw the shirt first. You are now witnessing greatness and my expectations hit the ground for you. Unbelievable. Nicole Brown Simpson reunited. You think she went to hell? Yes, yes, she went to hell. Apparently she was a piece of shit too, Tony. Whoa! Get out of here. I've never seen anyone take OJ's side in the argument before. Holy shit.
Dr. Phil. Well, I followed OJ on Twitter up until he passed. And I agree with you on that. You know, he was entertaining post-murder, you know? He'd always be in a Costco parking lot being like, what's up, Twitter world? You ever notice how... What the fuck was that, Red Bandit? That was Speedy Gonzales from the Looney Tunes. That was OJ Simpson getting some potato salad at a Costco.
Anyway, what did Nicole do that made you go, fuck this bitch? Well, word on the street is she was a- What street?
Fremont Street. Well played. I set you up for that. It is literally this section. Somehow, this is the Fremont Street section. How did they... I guess if you bought your tickets in that Wi-Fi zone, you got that section. None of these people reacting to Fremont Street.
Yeah, this is Fremont Street. This is Sesame Street over here. Just Cookie Monsters and Elmo dolls. Couple strippers. Okay, so Nicole did what?
Apparently Nicole was a whore, man. She was a whore. Is this real? You've heard this? No, no. Oh, okay. It's a joke. It's word on the street, Tony. It's just a joke. Satire. I feel like Corey's on the street a lot, so he might have the ears down to the ground. Corey, how long have you been trying stand-up comedy? I've been doing it a little over a year now. All of it here in Vegas? You live here?
No, I'm from Phoenix. You made the trip here. Shout out to Phoenix! There you go. Did you make the trip here for this? Yeah, we drove up. I actually, I took off today for work. Me and my girlfriend, shout out to Angela, I love you. We drove up here and we're actually turning around and driving back. I got work in the morning, so.
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Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes does Harland Williams share about his experiences?
Oh, my God. Why David Lucas? The gayest thing I've ever done is I accidentally once mistook Todd as a Tempur-Pedic mattress, and I slept on top of him. I snuggled up in the fetal position in his belly button and slept like a baby kangaroo.
This is the only guy in town who drives a Prius, but he calls it a BMW because not anyone ever sees it as a Burger King, McDonald's, and Wendy's.
What?
Coconut, coconut.
Coconut.
Coconut. Coconut.
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Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to personal stories and relationships?
Coconut pie.
Coconut, coconut, coconut pie. Where? Yeah, where? This fucking guy.
Todd, you are truly one of my favorites of all time. Always rolling with the punches, no pun intended. Always absolutely, you know, just, I mean, always just shaking the room wherever you go. Absolutely, wow. I cannot believe that those shoes and the stage and those legs and those knees and the hips can handle what you put it through.
Chapter 7: What insights does Aiden Kossoy provide about his first stand-up experience?
When you jump, do you give yourself a wedgie? A little bit, yeah. I'm gonna go pull this out here in a second.
You know, I never thought of this. I could smell it. I never thought of this. Your name is Todd Royce. Have you ever thought about going by Rolls Royce because you have so many rolls? Do you know that you look like if Jelly Roll and Jeffrey Dahmer had a baby?
There we go, that was it.
Chapter 8: How does the discussion transition to the challenges of stand-up comedy?
That's tonight's new Doritos joke of the night.
Jeffrey Dahmer in Jelly Roll, which means that he doesn't just eat. He eats humans. He eats all animals.
By the way, I love the jiggly tit thing you did. That was impressive.
Thank you. Thank you.
I don't want to skip over that.
Okay, yeah. No, I appreciate that. It takes a lot. This is just push-ups every morning.
Good for you.
That's a lie. I don't do push-ups.
No, we know.
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