Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Tickets are on sale for all my upcoming stand-up dates. Detroit, Atlantic City, Niagara Falls, Mount Pleasant, Michigan, West Valley City, aka Salt Lake City, Utah, Reno, Nevada, Anaheim, California, and Las Vegas, Nevada. Tickets are on sale now for my stand-up comedy featuring some of your favorite characters from the show, especially me. All tickets are at TonyHinchcliffe.com right now.
Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitzke!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Austin, Texas, who's with us? Make some fucking noise, huh? Make some noise for Red Band, everybody, huh? Yes. Very exciting. Very exciting stuff. How about another hand for the best damn band in the land, everybody? That is indeed the huevos rancheros side of the room, ladies and gentlemen.
That is Grooveline Horns, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo on the horns. Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez on the drums. The great Matt, the mutilator, mewling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys, the leader of the band. The great and powerful Dee Madness on bass guitar, everybody. The whole crew is here. Very, very exciting stuff in motion. A very fun episode ahead.
Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Who's ready to start tonight's episode, huh?
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Chapter 2: What upcoming events does Tony mention?
Look, you guys know me. When I book this show, sometimes it's three guests deep. Sometimes it's two guests. Sometimes it's one guest. Sometimes it's a guest who has done this show a record-setting amount of times. And every once in a while, you get to be here for the... very first guest appearance of a comedian.
This is one of those moments you will never forget, for it is indeed this comedian's first time ever joining us, a guest that I have wanted since the show's inception 12 and a half years ago. I present to you one of the greatest comedians in the world, his first time in the Kill Tony universe. This is Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias!
Yeah!
Yeah, baby! Let's fuckin' go! Hey, hey! Every old place is It is every old place is Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho Yes, indeed!
The one and the only, the great and the powerful, Gabriel Iglesias. Oh, yeah, baby.
That is an amazing intro. I'm so glad you have actual Mexicans playing that.
We are fresh off of watching pro wrestling together. Look at that. The Mexicans are even videotaping it. You know this whole thing's being videotaped, right, Fernando? I love it, man. You got all the Mexicans on one side and the black people on one side. That's right. You got to keep them separated.
You got to keep them separated.
I don't know if that's Fernando or Raul that was videotaping. I get them all confused. I just know Carlos is on the sacks, to be honest. I've never memorized which one was the other one. And I've gotten by it so far without anybody knowing. Austin, how are you? Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of Gabriel Iglesias's first appearance?
Wow. Yeah, it's super cool. Is he jealous of you? Did he ever do stand-up comedy? He did, dude, and he's really proud. He's really proud, man. He's proud.
Yeah. Would we recognize him if we saw him on anything? No.
Absolutely not. Wow. Why do you think his stand-up career never... Because he had you. Oh, 100%. Yeah, no, I ruined his life. Do you have siblings?
Yeah, I have a brother. He's 10 years older than me. He's from my dad's first failed marriage.
So he's on his second with my mom. Okay. Wow. Damn. Sorry. What happened? Why do you think he went to... Is he still with your mom? Yeah. Okay, so that's stuck.
They do not love each other. No, that's not totally true, but I hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time. I bet.
You're such a fucking bitch, Sherry. You're such a... Don't... Shut up. I don't want to hear Jack call you a fucking bitch.
Dude, I don't... Incredible. And they're both very Jewish as well? Oh, they're extremely Jewish. What do you think, before I let you go, what do you think is the most Jewish thing about your parents? What is it that really stands out to you to where you're like, Jesus, you too. Well, really, the most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people. Right. It really is.
It's a very Jewish thing to hate Judaism. Yeah, I think I'm Jewish now that you mention it. This is how I find out that I was Jewish all along. Jack, way to get it started. You are... Good job, man. Thank you, guys. There he goes. Time to get to this bucket, ladies and gentlemen. This guy's been on this show before. It's been a long time since we've seen him. Oh, I know what that noise means.
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Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes are shared about past experiences?
Ramadan. I'm probably going to get killed for calling it a wacky holiday. There's a thing on my life. What do they call that?
A jihad.
Yeah. But yeah, no, they drank. We went on a fucking bar crawl to celebrate Ari Shaffir's special release a couple weeks ago, and I promise you, Asana Monk. We all thought it would be a good idea, the six of us. There was a ton of us fucking comedians, Ari, DeRosa, fucking all of us, and we all thought it would be a good idea.
Ari wanted to do a shot and a drink at a bunch of bars on the east side of True Crawl, which I've never really done before, and we fucking did it. And by bar seven, we thought it would be a good idea to all slam into the photo booth at once, one of those old school photo booths. And all we got was a bunch of pictures of Ahsan's head There is proof that Muslims drank. All right.
Tim, what made you want to go in that direction out the gate? That's a tough area to go into. That joke for right now? You only get a minute, dude. Yeah, exactly.
I do longer sets and stuff, so most of my stuff is a little bit more developed, and I figure that's got a short.
It's a newer joke?
Two months old.
Okay.
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Chapter 5: What memories does Gabriel Iglesias share about performing in Bakersfield?
California, Bakersfield I started. I'm from Fresno. I started in Bakersfield. Nice. And you live here now? Yes, for a year, December 30th, yeah.
Okay. Where in Fresno did you get to perform? You said you started in Fresno, right?
I started, I lived in Fresno. I started comedy in Bakersfield.
Okay. 661, whereabouts in Bakersfield?
The Well Comedy Club. They're going to love that show. They're going to love that show. Daniel Betts.
Is that the one where it's like a little cube that you stand on, not a stage? It's like a box? I once performed in Bakersfield on a box.
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Chapter 6: What led to the breakup discussed in the podcast?
Oh. I did. You don't forget gigs like that. Do you remember where, by chance? No, I remember. It was, like, you know, you drove a few hours. It was, like, a couple hundred bucks. This was 15 fucking years ago or whatever. And I got there, and you had to, like, it was, like, high enough to where you literally, there wasn't, like, a staircase or anything.
You had to, like, body yourself up and, like, throw a leg over and, like, hey, what's up, everybody? And just, like, be confident and cool after that. You never forget having to, but you wouldn't have had a fucking chance at this point. You would have been like, oh, I guess I'm standing next to a box for this performance. It was so fucking weird. It was like four and a half feet up in the air.
I'm like crawling up this fucking. All right.
So grew up in Fresno. First time performing was in Bakersfield. And then you went to Los Angeles. Yeah. My parents live there in L.A. Yeah. What brought you out to Texas?
I was dating a girl. She got a transfer for a job. We moved out of here. We broke up.
How long were you able to make it last? Jesus, this bitch from Dallas is losing her mind slowly throughout the show, becoming more and more annoying.
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Chapter 7: How does the conversation shift to discussing relationships and dating?
Why did you gasp like that, lady? It's okay. You can answer. You want to make noises during the show. These are the repercussions. Why are you making noises about them breaking up? Everybody moving to Dallas. I don't live in Dallas. Nobody's moving to Dallas. Literally, nobody wants to move where you live. Nobody. Even the people that have to for work don't want to move there.
I like Dallas, but nobody's moving there. So, control yourself or else you're going to get embarrassed again like it just happened. All right, let's go back to you. Yes. So... How long were you able to make that relationship work in Austin? Eight months. Okay. Where do you think it went wrong? Is this a white girl? Yeah. God damn it, I knew it. How did you know? You want to know how I know?
You know how Cam couldn't do an impression of a white person? I don't think Michael can do an impression of a black person. I'm a white guy that was raised in an all-black neighborhood. I have a good ear and eye for these things.
Chapter 8: What insights are shared about being a plumber in San Francisco?
Michael Scott. We did this the last time I was on. Oh, we did? This makes sense. I'd imagine so. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you close your eyes, he's a white guy. Everybody close your eyes. Michael, say some nice things.
Thank you for calling customer support.
And he hasn't said the N word once.
No, no. If you remember from my last set, I don't say the N word. I say ne'er do well. Okay. No one remembers your last set. Pretend like that never happened. How long ago was that? Sam Talent, episode 668. I remember. Okay, so that's about a year ago. Okay, fine. Yeah, like a couple months ago. I lost D-Madness. Holy shit. Oh, John D is giving you permission to say the N-word.
He wants to hear you say it. My nigga, what's up? Shit, I guess I'm allowed to say it now, too. Oh, I didn't... Oh, my God. All right.
Oh, my God.
Michael, what do you think is the blackest thing about you? All right. We did this last time. Okay. Yeah. A woman out there just yelled to dance. Can you dance like a black guy? No. Let's see this. Give me some music here. Come on. Play some mystical, guys. I have a bad knee. I swear to God I can't. I swear to God I have a bad knee. I can't dance right now.
I swear to God I tore my Achilles tendon. Come on. Hey. Hey. Oh, there's the lighting change. They want you to say danger.
Oh, shit.
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