Trump Bombs at White House Correspondents' Dinner & Jon Stewart Offers Comedy Tips | Kaitlan Collins

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 50 min 5 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Unknown 0:01
All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the strawberry watermelon refresher and the mango pineapple refresher with popping boba to crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire? Six all new drinks are here now at McDonald's.
Sean Stewart 0:28
Refreshers contain caffeine. You're listening to Comedy Central.
Britt Lower 0:37
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, John Doerr.
Jon Stewart 1:09
What's happening? Welcome to The Daily Show. Man, we got a barn born here. My name is Jon Stewart. Great show for you tonight. Later on in this program, I'll be talking to CNN's chief White House correspondent, Caitlin Collins. She'll be joining us. We're going to get to the bottom of a crucial issue with journalism. How come she doesn't smile when a weird old man tells her to? We're going to start with the big news from the weekend. The United States and Iran taking a hydration break. A welcome cessation of hostilities. The respite gave President Trump a chance to stop bombing the Strait of Hormuz and to start bombing at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The other day, a senator I knew got a text, a great guy, from his wife.
Jon Stewart 2:10
And she said, when you get home, I want to have you immediately come up the stairs and make love to me. And he said, I can't do both. You know what? You know, in other words, I can't go up the stairs and make love. Does anybody get that? You know, normally I'd say don't quit your day job. But in this case.
Jon Stewart 2:42
I will make an exception. Yes, Friday night was the White House Correspondents' Dinner Part Deux, where the media elite got to hobnob with hobgoblins. If you remember, the first attempt ended prematurely by, let's say, very intense heckling. The frightening scene prevented the president from delivering his humorous remarks, prepared remarks. which was a shame, because if there's one thing that President Trump is known for, it's his joyful love of mirth.
Unknown 3:14
We all know that he has a great sense of humor. He's gonna deliver a really good speech. I mean, he's funny.
Britt Lower 3:20
He is a hilarious entertainer.
Unknown 3:23
His comedic timing is really good. If he hadn't become president, he couldn't become a stand-up comedian. This guy is honestly one of the funniest presidents we've ever had. I think Trump's the funniest president of all time.
Jon Stewart 3:34
Funny how? How the f*** is he funny? Does he amuse you? How the f***? What's so f***ing funny?
Jon Stewart 3:50
No, seriously, I am asking you. Because when I was watching him do that one joke, he doesn't seem very funny at all. Hey, but you know what, man? Look, I've been in that situation. We all try new material. Doesn't go. You move on to the next one. You cannot judge Trump's whole hour-long special just based on that one joke. Mr. President, what else you got? The UFC Freedom 250 fight. I'm pleased to announce that we're going to host an even bigger one right in front of the White House every Friday night. See this is great simple premise easy refillable we're going to be hosting more fights. So these are just going to be jokes about who's on the card what the fights are going to be it's simple set up punch line.
Jon Stewart 4:38
Or. every Friday night, every Saturday night. We're going to have fights in front of the White House. But we do have something coming that's, and I'm only kidding. You know, the one thing about, we are going to have Indy 500, Roger Penske's coming in mid-August. Germany, Japan, all these countries, they spend billions and billions of dollars trying to win the Indy 500. On July 4th, we were over at the mall and It was raining. It was supposed to be really bad again, and we didn't do it the following day, and we didn't do it two weeks later. We did it when we were supposed to do it. It was a fantastic celebration.
Jon Stewart 5:29
You set up the premise, and then you just walk off into the street? My boss is so cheap. Well, before I get to that... It was raining. Guy went four minutes before introducing the first joke fight in his own premise. But I can exclusively reveal to you this evening that for the heaviest of the heavyweights, we will have sloppy Chris Christie, one of the sloppiest human beings you'll ever meet, fighting, I would say, I could mention the governor of Chicago, but I'm going to mention instead Jerry Nadler.

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