Trump Crashes Spain's World Cup Moment & Jon Examines Team Trump's “Meritocracy" | Ben Wikler

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 49 min 4 speakers 6 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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Unknown 0:00
You're listening to Comedy Central. Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Jon Stewart.
Jon Stewart 0:59
Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. Welcome, everybody. Thank you, thank you. Class is in session, everybody. Got a great show for you tonight. Former Wisconsin DNC chair Ben Wickler is gonna be here later. He has a plan to save our democracy. Unfortunately, it's in book form, so no one will find out about it. No, you'll read the book. It's an excellent book. Of course, by the way, uh... The World Cup ended yesterday, finito, with Spain defeating Argentina 1-0 on the pitch, in the footy. The Spain-Argentina final was like a reverse Super Bowl, where the players spoke Spanish and the halftime show was in English. They had Madonna and Justin Bieber and, for some reason, the Muppets. Holy shit.
Jon Stewart 2:03
Is that the count? You got all the Muppets to choose from. Why in God's name would you make the vampire work during the day? Not only is it the bright glare of the afternoon sun, but for most of the game, the score was 0-0. You're taunting this poor bastard. I sat in traffic for one, two, three hours for this. I'm burning alive. By the way, congrats to World Cup champions Spain, Espana, clearly the best team in this year's tournament. And they celebrated receiving the World Cup trophy with a trophy hoist, which is traditionally, it's a moment that is shared really only by the players. It's a special moment that is only for the players. It is really just, what the are you doing on the stage? It's for the players.
Jon Stewart 3:12
God damn. Why must everything be tainted by the overinflated ego of Kenkels Muldoon? Why? Why? I will admit this. Afterwards, Trump had some really insightful post-game analysis. I thought it was incredible.
Ben Wikler 3:34
It was four times greater than any FIFA ever held.
Jon Stewart 3:47
What's a FIFA? How do you hold a FIFA? How could our FIFA be four times greater than any other FIFA? And it's probably about five times actually they're telling me today.
Jon Stewart 4:05
Is that what they told you? You know, they're telling you that because everyone around you lies to you. Can we go back a second, though? And I don't mean to... What's up with the guy behind Trump? Can we see that again? Can you bring that out? What the... Who the f*** is this guy? Who the f*** is this? Is this... What? Who in the world is it? Oh, my God! Is that a backup Trump? Is that... Wait a minute!
Wait!
Jon Stewart 4:45
Hold on a second! Wait! What? Wait! Who? What? What? Is that a backup Trump or is that Trump? Wait, is the one we've been dealing with backup Trump? Or is that Trump's? Let's move on from the World Cup final to something with no actual end in sight, the Iran war. The Iran war is reigniting, and as escalation continues with more intense and widespread bombing, there's no sign that either side is prepared in any way to... God, this is... You're not in this graphic! You're not in this graphic! What... We have talked about this! You're not in this gra... Get him out of the graphic!
You're...
Jon Stewart 5:38
Is that real Trump or backup? I don't know what's happening. Anyway, clearly, the war is escalating. And Americans are rightly concerned that we will be drawn even further into a war that has already cost too much in American lives and money. And so it was that Donald Trump delivered a primetime national speech on Thursday night to address this urgent situation. In mid-2018, China was working to influence the results of the U.S. midterm elections and later the results of the 2020 presidential election itself. They wanted to just make you sound like your president wasn't so hot, when actually your president has done a great job.
Jon Stewart 6:36
Those Chinese bastards. I'll have you know, both Presidents Trump are hot as . And doing a great job.

How did Trump photobomb Spain’s World Cup trophy celebration and who was ‘backup Trump’?

Jon Stewart 6:48
Blue tie's doing a little better than red tie. But still. But yes, apparently the President of the United States called this meeting to announce a new entry in his long-running mystery series, 2020 Election. What had happened was... With the turn of a dial, For the change of a chip, you can press a button for Trump, and the vote goes to Biden.

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