#BecauseMiami: The Relentless Pursuit of the Real Estate Hustle
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Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo. What are you doing here? Cuervo. Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up. Well, I do know that to be true, but even during ad reads, like... Cuervo. I think he could lay out, especially for one of our great partners. Sweet, delicious Cuervo. Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots.
Cuervo. The tequila that invented tequila. Proximo. Cuervo.com. Please drink responsibly.
I may be either extra ornery today or extra exhausted because I am in the midst of my colonoscopy prep day. Oh, no. Yes. Tomorrow I'm getting the probe. I got to tell you, this whole process has been a real pain in the ass. I'm waiting on it. I'm waiting on it. I'm with you or not. There we go. Yeah, it's been rough. You're on a liquid diet. I've had lime jello. Lime jello? Water and Gatorade. I was allowed to drink coffee, so I did do that. So I didn't experience caffeine withdrawal, which is pretty terrible. This didn't work out last time. I had a... We had to abort the colonoscopy because the prep day was so bad. Like my body rejected the medicine. I was not properly purged. So I went in first thing in the morning after this miserable day. And they were like, and I told the nurse.
You still got some stuff in there.
I told the nurse what happened. And she's like, is your poop clear? And I'm like, clear Pepsi? Is that a thing? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, no. And she's like, then we can't do it today. Because I purged the medicine and so I didn't. The reason why I'm talking about this is because this is extremely important. Because it used to be age 50 that you were required to start drinking. doing colonoscopies every 10 years. I think between 2018 and 2020, they lowered the age to 45, which means I'm a little late. And the reason is, of course, because they saw an increase in colon cancer at much younger ages. Remember Chadwick Boseman, was diagnosed in 2016 when he was just 39 years old. So he still wouldn't have been in the required or recommended, rather, age range to start.
And four years later, at the age of 43 years old, he was gone. So this is pretty important for them to poke around up there and take a look around. And I'll tell you, it's a good thing it got rescheduled, though, my colonoscopy, because my colonoscopy was the morning of of the day in which my best friend's son was getting circumcised. His bris was that afternoon. So I was gonna have to go from my colonoscopy to this bris, and I was thinking to myself, so I'm going to be waking up from a drug-induced stupor. My butthole's gonna be hurting, and I'm gonna be looking at some naked white kid. It's gonna be like Andrew Gillum in South Beach. I'm waiting. I'm waiting, Roy. I'm waiting. Thank you. All right. Hey, Roy. Yes.
Speaking of assholes, did you hear about this one? Apparently, this is not kosher. Miami-Dade City of Aventura commissioner and bagel shop co-owner. Not kosher. Has been accused by his business partner of at the restaurant office in front of employees pickling his cucumber. Slapping the salami, greasing his latkes, buttering the bialy.
Slapping the salami.
Jerking his gherkin, juggling his matzo balls. choking his kishka right there in the deli office this is aventura commissioner paul cruz who's being sued by his business partner at moe's bagels for allegedly not moe's repeatedly watching porn in front of employees while quote uh he touched himself in a lewd manner end quote now you know how they get the holes in the bagels right so he's also being a He's also being accused of fraudulent conduct and using the restaurant to provide free food worth over $233,000 to promote his political career. And there's like dueling lawsuits now against each other for stealing dough. Get it? For stealing dough. Stealing dough. So, of course, Cruz denies all of these allegations. He's countersuing. But I would just not use the non-dairy creamer over there.
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Chapters
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