The Big Suey: The Deflection Masterclass (feat. Sex Expert April Lampert)

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The Dan Le Batard Show 45 min 9 speakers 5 chapters transcribed
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Who is being roasted for being late?

All right, guys. I mean, thought he could get that off, but not on the blackest show ever. He tried to lie to Andrew Hawkins. I didn't lie. Oh, yeah, he didn't try to lie.
Andrew Hawkins 1:24
I just didn't tell you certain things.
But you ain't got to tell him. We got an Afro detective in here named Andrew Hawkins. He was like, I hear your voice. I see your eyes. Oh, there's the imprint across your forehead. I love durag lines. Yeah, you could get that off when Dan is here and Stu and Chris, they don't know about durag lines.
Andrew Hawkins 1:45
My voice is my voice. My voice is always deep.
No, your voice has changed.
Andrew Hawkins 1:49
My eyes. It's got a rasp to it. It's always got a rasp to it. Nah, man. Do you understand how much... metric liters of alcohol I go through a week, you'd think my voice is just like, oh, I'm like this. But when I've had a night out, I'll go like this. You think that's what happens? Nah, man.
Amin Elhassan 2:03
I'm always this deep. You can gaslight all you want. Gaslight? What is that? I know a raspy voice in the morning. Every man in my family has a deep voice. Even G, Roy? Even G. If you catch us early in the morning, there's a certain rasp to it that I can point out. I'm going to tell you right now.
Andrew Hawkins 2:22
This is what happens. I walk in here. It's a viper's nest. Before I even walk in here, I'm getting makeup done. I'm trying to come here correct. I hear the show. Y'all are already getting it on me. I'm like, okay, that's what we're doing? Regular, I mean, yesterday, I was like this, hi guys, what's going on? Today, I gotta do the Stephen A. And I gotta put my voice right down here, because that's the most menacing.
If you think we was killing you, After the show started, oh, 10 minutes before the show started, we was getting all. What were y'all saying? All the things that we said now. Ain't nobody scared. It was the same thing. We thought you really died.
Amin Elhassan 3:02
We thought you had extra material. There was a portion I thought you were really dead.
Yeah, that's where we actually started to get a little sad until you responded. I mean, because we were like. It is impossible. Like, it's not impossible.
Stu Gatz 3:13
Once there was no shit chat, I'm like, I'm telling you, he's every morning at 8 o'clock.
Andrew Hawkins 3:17
I wish.
Amin Elhassan 3:18
I wish. That's where I'm at right now. I blame Tony, though. He was the one. He brought the heart at first. No, no. Because Tony cares about you.
Tony 3:25
What I said is, do we know if Amin got home last night? Do we have confirmation of him getting into the hotel? That's where we're at. Because if Amin didn't get to the hotel, obviously it's premonition, something could have happened last night. The moment he steps in the hotel, he's fine. I know it.
Stu Gatz 3:39
We did the first eight minutes kind of roasting you, and then we were like, this might not age well.
Tony 3:43
Let's literally dial it back a little.
Stu Gatz 3:45
But you would love that. I said, I was like, Amin would be okay with this, even if he's gone.
Andrew Hawkins 3:51
Straight up. I regret not getting in a car accident now. Oh my god. I would love right now I would like in my mind my my biggest dream that would have been to be Laid up in a gurney like everything in cast and then on the screen just have the Levitar show Oh, I mean probably overslept his biggest regret is being alive Pretty much not dying if it makes you feel any better.

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