S1 EP3 | Let Them + Let Me – The Two-Step Power Move | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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What are the foundations of the Let Them Theory?
Hey, everybody, and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. We're still in the thick of it with Season 1 Foundations of the Let Them Theory.
Still going strong.
We are, and today we're diving into Episode 3.
Oh, this is a good one.
Yeah. Let them plus let me.
Two step.
The two step power move.
Power move.
And, you know, let them is something we hear about all the time.
Yeah.
For good reason, because it could be so helpful in navigating those tricky situations that we all find ourselves in sometimes.
Yeah. It's like that first breath you take like, OK, I can step back from this for a second.
Right. Get out of the chaos.
Exactly. Give yourself some space.
But sometimes it's just the beginning. Yeah. Like you detach.
But then what what do you do with that?
Right. What happens when that initial let them leaves you feeling kind of empty or even stuck?
That's where people hit a wall.
Yeah.
They're like, OK, I've let go, but I still feel terrible.
Yeah. And I've been there myself. I mean, picture this. You're scrolling through social media and bam, there they are, your friends living it up on a girl's trip.
Ooh, I feel this already.
A trip that you weren't invited to.
Yeah, that's tough.
It's like a gut punch, right? You try to let them have their fun, but it's hard to shake that feeling of being left out. You start overthinking everything, wondering what you did wrong.
Why does 'Let Them' sometimes lead to feeling stuck?
It's like, did I do something?
Right, like what's going on?
Am I a bad friend?
Exactly.
All the shoulds start coming out. And that's the thing about let them, it's a great starting point. Like you said, it creates that initial distance, but it doesn't just magically solve the problem or erase the hurt.
Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Sounds good.
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. And that's where I think this episode gets really interesting because we're not going to dwell in that hurt. We're talking about what comes next.
Right. It's a launching pad.
It is. And that's, let me, the often overlooked second step that transforms detachment into empowerment.
It's like saying, OK, I've acknowledged what's out of my control.
Right.
But now what can I do?
Yeah. What can I do for me?
What is within my control?
Exactly. And this isn't just some, you know, feel good mantra or whatever.
Yeah, no, no.
Let me has a real impact on our brain.
For real.
I mean, think about it. When we're constantly stressed or feeling overlooked or dealing with difficult people, our brain's alarm system goes into overdrive.
Oh, yeah, the amygdala's firing.
It is. It's like, oh, my God, we got to get out of here. Right, it's like fight or flight.
Right, exactly. That's exactly what it is.
You know, our ancestors needed that to survive Sabertooth Tiger.
Back in the day. But these days it's a little different.
It's a little different. Those tigers are more likely to be a demanding boss or just a never ending to do list.
Oh, my gosh. Yes.
So we get stuck in this chronic state of stress.
Yeah.
I mean, who can think clearly when their brain is just flooded with adrenaline and cortisol all the time?
You can't. I mean, it's almost impossible.
So this is where it gets really interesting. This is called amygdala hijack.
Oh, yeah.
Have you heard of this?
I have.
So tell us a little bit about it.
Well, it was a term coined by Dr. Aditi Niravkar, who's a Harvard-trained physician and researcher.
Very fancy.
She's amazing. And essentially, it's that feeling of like your emotional brain is completely taking over.
Yeah.
And rational thinking goes out the window.
It's like, goodbye. You're done. I'm out of here. See? So how does let me fit into all of this? Does it like magically calm the amygdala?
You know, it does indirectly.
Okay.
It's not like you say, let me and all of a sudden everything is fine.
Right.
But when you shift from passively letting them do their thing to proactively taking action for yourself, It's like sending a signal to your brain to hit the reset button.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What are the foundations of the Let Them Theory?
0:00–1:15
2
Why does 'Let Them' sometimes lead to feeling stuck?
1:15–4:27
3
How can the 'Let Me' framework empower you?
4:27–8:22
4
What is amygdala hijack and how does it affect us?
8:22–12:26
5
How do you implement the Let Them + Let Me power move in real life?
12:26–20:36
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
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S2 EP2 | Life Isn’t Fair – And That’s Okay | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S2 EP1 | Why the Right Decision Feels Wrong | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S1 EP7 | When Adults Throw Tantrums | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins