S2 EP4 | The Truth About Adult Friendships | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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What is the focus of this episode on adult friendships?
Hey, everybody, and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. You know, we're in the thick of season two now, and this season is all about relationships, comparisons, and growth. And you know what's super messy?
What's that?
Adult friendships.
Yeah.
I mean, haven't we all been there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So today we're going to do a deep dive on it. Episode four, we're calling it the truth about adult friendships, why they fade and how to reset.
I think we can all relate to that feeling. You know when you're scrolling through your phone and you see that old group chat and you haven't talked to those people in forever? Yeah. It's like a pang of guilt, sadness. A weird feeling. Yeah. It's like those friendships were so alive once and now it's just crickets. And so curious, like why does this happen to like literally everyone and what can we actually do about it? Yeah. So I'm excited to dive into that today.
Okay. Before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
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Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. Well, I think that feeling that you're describing is so common and it often stems not from conflict, but from just the natural shifts of adulthood. So it's not just me being a bad friend. I mean, I'm partially relieved to hear that. But seriously, like, why does this happen? I mean, like, what's the deal?
Well, think about those early days of a friendship. You know, you have those shared routines, inside jokes, constant contact. You know, you're always hanging out. All of that, it actually wires our brains for connection. You know, it's almost like you're on friendship autopilot.
Friendship autopilot. That's a really interesting way to put it. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? What does that mean?
Yeah. So it has to do with these things called mirror neurons. And when we engage in, you know, these shared routines and experiences, our brains release those neurons and it creates the sense of effortless connection. Like we're literally on the same wavelength.
That makes total sense. But then, you know, life gets in the way. You know what I mean? Routines change. Things get busy. And suddenly those connections kind of fade.
Yeah. And then on top of that, research shows that stress like literally shrinks our social bandwidth. Like our brains are literally prioritizing survival over socializing. So it's not that we stop caring. It's just that our capacity for maintaining those friendships like decreases.
Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. And, you know, there was actually a 2022 Harvard study that found that 65 percent of adult friendships dissolved within seven years, primarily due to life transitions that actually due to conflict.
Yeah.
Five percent.
Yeah. Wow. That is a really big number.
It is.
I mean, it is true, though, like those big life changes, new jobs, moves, relationships, kids, that kind of stuff. It really shakes things up. It's like we lose the shared language of that friendship almost.
Yeah. You hit the nail on the head. You lose those inside jokes, the easy understanding. And this is where this framework, it's called Let Them Power Move, comes in. It encourages us to accept this reality of friendship drift, you know, and then make these intentional choices about which friendships to release and which to rebuild.
Let Them Power Move. You know, at first it sounds a little passive, like doesn't that just let people kind of walk all over us?
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Chapters
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