S2 EP1 | Why the Right Decision Feels Wrong | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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Why does the right decision often feel wrong?
And today we're going to do a deep dive into why making the right decision can often feel like the absolute wrong thing to do. especially when it comes to those big choices like our jobs or our relationships. Have you ever had that feeling where you know you should make a change, but then you just freeze up because you're so worried about what everyone else will think?
Yeah, all the time.
Yeah, me too. So today we're going to talk about that, like the whole intuition versus people pleasing thing.
Right.
And all that self-doubt that creeps in.
Yeah.
What is the neuroscience behind decision-making anxiety?
And we're going to unpack the neuroscience behind all of that. It's actually pretty fascinating how our brains are wired to like avoid rocking the boat, even when that boat is like totally sinking. Okay. So to kick things off.
Yeah.
I want to tell you a story about someone we're going to call Mel.
Okay, I'm listening.
So Mel has what everyone considers this like dream job. She's a lawyer making bank, super stable. But on the inside, she's miserable.
Yeah.
Like she just feels this constant pull towards something else, something more fulfilling.
It's like that quiet voice inside is screaming, get me out of here.
Exactly. And guess what? Mel actually quits. She walks away from this so-called dream job.
Wow. Brave.
Even though everyone around her is like, are you crazy? This is a huge mistake. Her family's worried. Her friends think she's nuts.
How do people-pleasing and self-betrayal connect?
Sounds like a classic clash between what everyone else expects of her and what she truly needs.
It is.
Yeah.
And it brings up such an interesting question. What is actually happening in our brains when we feel that tug of war between what we want and what everyone else expects? What's the science behind all of this?
Yeah, it's wild. So there's this part of our brains called the amygdala, which is like our fear center. It's constantly scanning for threats. And when it senses something that could be dangerous, like judgment or disapproval from others, it freaks out. It's like our brain's alarm system is blaring, danger, danger.
Oh, I know that feeling.
We call this an amygdala hijack, and it can seriously cloud our judgment, even when we know deep down that we're making the right choice for ourselves.
It's like our brains are hardwired to avoid those uncomfortable feelings, even if it means staying stuck in a situation that's not good for us. Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Sounds good.
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it.
Yeah, it's crazy, right? And to make matters worse, when we're constantly trying to please everyone else, it can actually suppress activity in our prefrontal cortex.
What's the prefrontal cortex again?
It's basically the part of our brain that's responsible for like logical thinking, reasoning and planning. You know, all the good stuff.
So you're saying that people pleasing can literally make it harder to think straight.
What is the 'Let Them Power Move' framework?
That's exactly what I'm saying. And honestly, I think we've all felt that pressure to say yes when every cell in our body is screaming no.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Yeah.
A million times yes.
Yeah. And you're not alone. There was this fascinating study published in Nature Human Behavior and it found that a whopping 68%. 68%. Yeah. Sixty eight percent of people prioritize others approval over their own needs. So it's incredibly common.
That is mind blowing. It's like we're conditioned to put everyone else first even if it means sacrificing our own well-being.
It really is. And sometimes those consequences can be pretty serious. Let me tell you about a case study. I once worked with this nurse, super dedicated to her patients and her team, but she was pushing herself to the point of burnout. Her family was begging her to slow down, take a break. Yeah. But she felt like she couldn't let anyone down. She felt obligated to keep going.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does the right decision often feel wrong?
0:24–0:54
2
What is the neuroscience behind decision-making anxiety?
0:54–1:45
3
How do people-pleasing and self-betrayal connect?
1:45–3:05
4
What is the 'Let Them Power Move' framework?
3:05–5:20
5
How can you start trusting your intuition?
5:20–6:50
6
How do you handle overthinking and make decisions?
6:50–8:31
7
What is a rescue audit and how can it help?
8:31–10:42
8
How can self-compassion improve decision-making?
10:42–23:29
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
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