S2 EP2 | Life Isn’t Fair – And That’s Okay | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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What is the main topic of this episode?
Hey everybody and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. We are diving deep into Season 2.
Season 2.
All about relationships, comparisons, and growth. Yeah. And in this episode...
Episode two.
Episode two.
We're tackling a truth.
Oh yeah.
That can be tough to swallow.
Mm-hmm.
Why is life perceived as unfair?
Life isn't fair. You know, it's interesting how this idea of fairness, or rather the lack of it, really gets under our skin.
It really does.
It's not just a minor annoyance when things don't go our way.
No.
It triggers something much deeper.
It does. It's like this deep primal thing. Deep down. Totally.
And that's exactly what we're unpacking today.
We are.
Why does the idea of unfairness bother us so much? How does holding on to resentment... actually keep us stuck?
Yeah.
And most importantly, what can we actually do about it?
The big question.
Yes, the big question.
We got to figure this out. We'll be exploring a powerful framework.
Ooh, I love a good framework.
I know, right? Let's do it. Called let them plus let me.
Catchy.
That can help us reclaim our power and move forward.
Okay. I'm into this.
One thing that's often overlooked is that... What's that? Everyone experiences feelings of unfairness at some point.
At some point. Yeah, for sure.
It's a universal experience.
It really is.
Whether it's happening at work.
Oh, yeah.
In our friendships and families.
For sure.
Or even just observing events in the world around us.
Mm-hmm.
Totally.
Totally.
Actually, this whole topic really hit home for me after a weekend getaway I had with friends a while back.
Oh, yeah. I've been there.
We were splitting the costs equally, but I ended up in the smallest room sleeping on a squeaky old couch bed.
You're kidding.
I know.
Oh, no.
It was not good.
Oh.
And I kept going back and forth in my head.
I feel that.
Like, am I being a pushover? Should I say something?
How does resentment keep us stuck?
Right.
But in the end, I stayed silent.
It's tough in the moment.
It is. And you know what? I was so resentful afterwards.
Oh, I bet. Yeah, I can only imagine.
It's like that resentment becomes the price we pay for not honoring our own needs in the face of unfairness.
Yeah. I mean, who wants to pay that price?
No one.
Right.
And the funny thing is, when I told my partner about it later, his reaction was so simple.
Okay.
But it was like a light bulb went off.
Oh, tell me.
He just said, well, you didn't speak up.
Uh-huh.
And in that moment, I realized all that resentment was stemming from my own choice to stay silent. Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Sounds good.
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it.
It's powerful, isn't it?
What is the 'Let Them Plus Let Me' framework?
It is.
When you realize that, you know you have the power.
Exactly. That's a profound realization.
It is.
It highlights how often resentment is a consequence of our own inaction.
It's true.
Our own choice to stay silent when we should be advocating for ourselves. Totally. So if we're looking to tackle this feeling of unfairness head on, it seems like Understanding why it bothers us so much is a good place to start. I mean, it's not just about being sensitive.
Oh, definitely not. I think there's like a biological reason why we react so strongly to unfairness.
Okay, so tell me more.
So from an evolutionary standpoint, fairness was essential for survival within our early human communities.
Makes sense.
Think about it.
Yeah.
If resources were unfairly distributed, it could literally mean life or death for some members of the group.
Oh, wow.
Right.
So our brains are throwing us back to the days of fighting for survival.
Basically.
Even if the stakes are way lower now.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
I know.
It often feels like a gut punch reaction.
Yeah, it's a gut punch for sure.
Exactly.
And so when we sense unfairness, our amygdala, which is the part of our brain responsible for threat detection, gets activated. It's like our internal alarm system going off.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the main topic of this episode?
0:00–0:30
2
Why is life perceived as unfair?
0:30–2:07
3
How does resentment keep us stuck?
2:07–3:00
4
What is the 'Let Them Plus Let Me' framework?
3:00–8:51
5
How does the brain react to unfairness?
8:51–14:19
6
Can we control our response to unfairness?
14:19–17:13
7
How can the 'Let Me' part empower you?
17:13–21:08
Speakers
5 identifiedMore from The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
S2 EP5 | Creating Unshakeable Friendships | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S2 EP4 | The Truth About Adult Friendships | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S2 EP3 | Comparison as Your Greatest Teacher | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S2 EP1 | Why the Right Decision Feels Wrong | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S1 EP7 | When Adults Throw Tantrums | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
S1 EP6 | Loving Difficult People | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins