S1 EP7 | When Adults Throw Tantrums | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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What are adult tantrums and why do they happen?
Hey everybody and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. We are in the middle of Season 1, Foundations of the Let Them Theory, and today we're tackling something I know all of you out there have encountered. Adult tantrums.
Yes.
Think screening coworkers, door slamming partners or the dreaded silent treatment. Oh. Buckle up for episode seven when adults throw tantrums managing emotional outbursts with grace.
Yes. The adult tantrum. It's it is a fascinating contradiction, isn't it? We expect adults to, you know, have a handle on their emotions. Yet sometimes it's like you're dealing with a toddler in a boardroom.
Exactly. So before we dive into the how of handling these outbursts, let's go deeper into the why. This episode's source material, especially the work of Dr. Aditi Narurkar, points to this thing called amygdala hijack.
Mm-hmm.
Can you break that down for us?
Absolutely. Imagine your brain as a company. The prefrontal cortex is the thoughtful CEO making strategic decisions. But when stress hits, the amygdala, which is our security chief, senses danger and it can trigger the fight or flight response, sending the whole company into lockdown before the CEO even knows what's happening. That's the amygdala hijack, our emotional reactions taking over.
OK, so it's like our brains are short circuiting. Yeah. Making rational thought nearly impossible. But here's something I found interesting in the source material. Mel's story about a CEO who actually punched a wall during a meeting.
Wow.
It's like a textbook amygdala hijack.
Yeah.
But it also made me think, are some people just more prone to this than others?
That's a great question. And that's where individual differences come into play. The intensity of our reactions, even to the same stressor, can vary wildly. Think of it like this. Some people have a hair trigger amygdala, while others have a more laid back security chief.
I like that.
Factors like genetics, personality, even past experiences, all contribute to how easily our emotional alarms go off.
So going back to Mel's CEO, is it possible that some folks are just wired for more dramatic outbursts?
Yeah.
That it's not necessarily a reflection of the situation itself.
Yeah.
But more about their internal wiring.
Exactly. The CEO punching the wall. It wasn't about the quarterly numbers. Right. It was about his internal state, his unmet needs. Maybe it was fear of failure, exhaustion, feeling unheard. Those unmet needs get amplified in stressful situations, making that amygdala hijack more likely.
That's a great point. And it ties in perfectly with the let them theory. It's not about excusing bad behavior.
Right.
But understanding that those outbursts often stem from internal struggles, not from a deliberate intention to harm.
Precisely. And that's where the power of detach and redirect comes in. You can't control someone else's emotions or force their amygdala to chill out, but you can control your own response.
All right. Let's unpack that detach and redirect framework a bit more. We touched upon it in previous episodes, but it's the heart of dealing with adult tantrums.
The let them part is about releasing that need to control the other person's outbursts. Let them vent, sulk, send that angry email. It's their storm to weather. Your job isn't to fix it or talk them down.
It's like acknowledging they have the right to their feelings, even if those feelings are, well, messy.
Yeah.
But doesn't mean we have to get swept up in their mess.
Exactly. And then the let me part kicks in. This is where you reclaim your own agency, taking steps to protect your well-being and emotional state.
Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Sounds good.
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. So what are some concrete steps you can take in those moments? Imagine you're right there face to face with a full blown adult tantrum. What's your let me move?
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Chapters
4 chaptersSpeakers
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