S1 EP5 | Let Them Think Bad Thoughts About You | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

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The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast 18 min 5 speakers 4 chapters transcribed
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What is the main theme of Let Them Think Bad Thoughts About You?

Mel Robbins 0:00
Hey, everybody, and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. Our first season, Foundations of the Let Them Theory, has been a wild ride so far.
Co-host (unnamed) 0:17
It really has.
Mel Robbins 0:18
And today we're diving deep, deep into episode five.
Co-host (unnamed) 0:21
Deep, deep.
Mel Robbins 0:22
Let them think bad thoughts about you.
Guest 0:25
Ooh, that's a good one.
Mel Robbins 0:26
I am so excited to unpack this with you.
Guest 0:28
Me too. Yeah.
Mel Robbins 0:30
Because let's be honest, we've all been there.
Guest 0:33
We have.
Mel Robbins 0:34
You know, that moment when you're about to share something online.
Guest 0:37
Oh, yeah.
Mel Robbins 0:37
A piece of writing, a photo.
Guest 0:39
Yep.
Mel Robbins 0:40
Even just a comment and then bam, the fear hits.
Co-host (unnamed) 0:43
Oh, yeah.
Mel Robbins 0:44
What will people think?
Co-host (unnamed) 0:45
Yeah.

Why does the fear of judgment paralyze us?

Mel Robbins 0:45
Will they judge me? The worst. It can be paralyzing.
Co-host (unnamed) 0:48
It is. It really is a universal experience. Totally. It often stems from this deeply ingrained fear of judgment that's just wired into our brains. It's like way back when, for survival, being ostracized from the tribe, that would be death. So we developed this really strong drive to fit in and avoid, avoid rejection at all costs.
Mel Robbins 1:10
Oh, I see.
Co-host (unnamed) 1:10
But these days, in today's world, this instinct can totally backfire.
Mel Robbins 1:14
How so?
Co-host (unnamed) 1:15
It holds us back from sharing our deaths, you know?
Mel Robbins 1:17
Oh, yeah.
Co-host (unnamed) 1:18
Pursuing our passions, all of that.
Mel Robbins 1:19
It's almost like our brains haven't quite caught up with the times, right?
Co-host (unnamed) 1:22
Yeah, totally.
Mel Robbins 1:23
Because we're living in this hyper-connected world, opinions flying everywhere.
Co-host (unnamed) 1:27
Everywhere.
Mel Robbins 1:28
It's overwhelming.
Co-host (unnamed) 1:29
Yes.
Mel Robbins 1:29
That's why the Let Them Theory really caught my eye.
Co-host (unnamed) 1:31
Yeah.
Mel Robbins 1:32
It seems to offer this path to navigate this pressure to please everyone.
Guest 1:37
I love that.
Mel Robbins 1:38
And what's really interesting is that this whole theory, it was born from a very personal struggle.
Guest 1:43
Oh, wow.
Mel Robbins 1:44
Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Guest 1:48
Sounds good.
Mel Robbins 1:50
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. So the creator, Mel, she was facing this mountain of debt, $800,000. Wow. To be exact. And she needed to promote her business.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:02
Of course, yeah.
Mel Robbins 2:03
But guess what?
Co-host (unnamed) 2:04
What?
Mel Robbins 2:05
Frozen by the fear of judgment.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:08
She talks about that experience as being trapped in this, what she calls, draft-delete spiral.
Mel Robbins 2:13
The draft-delete spiral? I like that. What's that?
Co-host (unnamed) 2:15
Oh, it's the worst. You craft the perfect post. You're imagining every negative comment, and then you just scrap the whole thing.
Mel Robbins 2:22
Oh, yeah.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:23
It's just self-sabotage fueled by fear.
Mel Robbins 2:25
So relatable. I think we've all been in that spiral.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:28
Yeah, totally.
Mel Robbins 2:29
And the source material points out something really interesting.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:32
Okay, what's that?
Mel Robbins 2:34
Even our loved ones, even our loved ones judge us.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:37
Oh, yeah.
Mel Robbins 2:38
It's just part of being human. It's not always malicious.
Guest 2:41
Right.
Mel Robbins 2:41
But it's happening all the time.
Guest 2:42
It is.
Mel Robbins 2:43
So if judgment is inevitable, even from people closest to us, how do we break free?
Co-host (unnamed) 2:48
Yeah, good question.
Mel Robbins 2:50
That's where let them think bad thoughts about you comes in. It's so good. This concept.
Co-host (unnamed) 2:54
So the idea here, it's not about, you know, being reckless or disregarding all feedback.
Guest 3:00
Okay.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:00
It's about a shift in perspective, a big one.
Guest 3:03
Okay.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:03
It's about understanding that we just can't control what other people think.
Mel Robbins 3:08
Right.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:08
But what we can control is our own reactions to those thoughts.
Mel Robbins 3:13
That's a powerful distinction. So it's not about ignoring criticism altogether, but more about recognizing that we have a choice in how we respond.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:22
Exactly.
Mel Robbins 3:23
I like that.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:23
The source material actually provides this really cool framework called let them let me.
Mel Robbins 3:29
Let them let me.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:30
Yeah, let them let me. So let them think what they want and let me do what I need to do. It's reclaiming your power.
Mel Robbins 3:37
Okay, yeah.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:38
Focusing on your own actions and intentions instead of getting caught up in everybody else's opinions.
Mel Robbins 3:43
It seems like a way to kind of disentangle yourself from that web of external validation.
Co-host (unnamed) 3:47
Yes, totally.
Mel Robbins 3:49
And tap into something more internal.
Guest 3:51
That's it. Yeah.
Mel Robbins 3:52
A confidence that comes from within.
Guest 3:53
Yes.
Mel Robbins 3:54
But how do we actually how do we bridge that gap between the mental shift and the action?

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Chapters

4 chapters
1 What is the main theme of Let Them Think Bad Thoughts About You? 0:00–0:45 2 Why does the fear of judgment paralyze us? 0:45–4:06 3 How can the Let Them Theory empower us? 4:06–13:00 4 What is the Blurt and Post challenge? 13:00–18:55

Speakers

5 identified
Co-host (unnamed) 9 min Mel Robbins 8 min Advertisement Narrator Advertisement Guest

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