Help A Bit Of Semen Entered My Eye | And The Next Big Dessert
episodePreviously titled “Help A Bit Of Semen Entered my Eye | And The Next Big Dessert” — renamed by the publisher on Sep 29, 2026
Transcript
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What everyday dilemmas do Jordan and William tackle in this episode?
Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, how do you tell your partner that you're desperate for him to cage you up for Locktober? Or what should you do to stop being a spoiled sport and just hurry up and join the Sexted team's mini crossword leaderboard? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually any answer, are we? William Hunter!
No, we're not Jordan North. I'm more Etiquette Queen, you're more T and Ovaltine. And that's from Sam.
Oh, it's Ovaltine season soon. Yes. Lots of seasons. Jumper
season. Guinness season. Guinness season. Famously. We all set our clocks fired. Uh I'm doing the gin and de Bonnet. It's always gin and de Bonnet season in my book. You can have a gin and de Bon in summer, you can have it in the autumn,
you can have it in the winter.
Yes. But not in the spring. No well on this podcast you can. Um you're eyes. Yeah, good. Good. Struggling on in a cruel world.
I wouldn't say that.
Why? I'm
crawling
on in a
struggled world.
It's not the right price. There's a struggle to be had. Jordan will have it. I don't have any struggle. No. Uh just getting out of bed at four four twenty AM.
I never mentioned that.
No, you don't. No. Famously we proved that. It was a Red Bull type of day today. I was gonna say I did notice seconds before we were recording, you were drinking another red is actually is Red Bull red?
Yes.
Never actually looked at it 'cause it's always in a can.
It's kind of yeah, like a pale orangey red. Okay. I just thought it needed one today. So I just got a little sugar
free one from shop. Ken, this Dubonet looks off, everyone. We I've told you it needs never bloody
happy, are you?
This does not even look red, it looks Trust me, after a red bull you'll eat oat. Drink oat. Suspiciously brown. You never advocate a red bull at uni? Absolutely not. Didn't drink. I mean great shame looking back, but um probably from my best. Right, we're going to toast Olivia, who message in saying, I would love to express my gratitude for the uplifting joy your podcast has given me during my toughest challenge to date, my final exams for my law degree at Oxford.
Oh wow.
I thought you'd people
from Oxford listen to this. Shit, the best.
I thought you'd appreciate knowing that this podcast has been played in a library that's over four hundred years old.
Oh wow.
Wow. It's nearly as
old as this podcast.
I was it's nearly as old as Stu. But I decided not Joe, he's a piss. Waiting for the message that inevitably follows. Uh but this is to Olivia and everyone studying for their exams.
To Olivia and everyone studying for their exams. Best of luck. Break a leg. Oxford University. Yes. Can we have a little tissue, please? Table.
It's not that exciting.
William seems to have spilt everywhere. Oh,
you're a good
one, Jack. Thank you, Jack. Although there is some blue roll behind there, Jack, that would have been.
But you said tissue. Well.
We can't go up and get it if you're listening or watching and think we'll be it's because we're plugged in, so our headphones are plugged in. Can I have some here, please?
Hi guys. Hi guys. You used to demand me go around the room before you were plugged in through your headphones, so I'm not having that, just as a correction.
We both
or one per person?
Good catch. Pen's in the uh the old cut cam there. How's life in the cut cam?
Tell us about how it's been the public reaction, if you've been stopped in the streets, have I people throw in.
Yet to see any change, but I'm sure it will come.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Maybe. If
you stay in that cook chair long enough, I'm sure it'll come as well.
It'll come. There we go. I I was actually in a a cook chair over the weekend.
Sorry,
what?
Do you wanna do an elaborate on that? Well I j yeah, no, just a hotel room. I was in a hotel room with Kat and then Kat's friend, so that I was like the third one. But just just as a f just as some normal friends. Okay. After a wedding.
Do you follow uh cup chairs of hotels around the world?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What everyday dilemmas do Jordan and William tackle in this episode?
0:06–5:39
2
Is affogato the next big summer dessert trend?
5:39–12:11
3
What happened when Jordan went to London Fashion Week?
12:11–18:35
4
How do the hosts handle routines, crosswords, and feeling left out?
18:35–24:34
5
How do you pronounce tricky food and foreign words correctly?
24:34–32:01
6
What is the etiquette for finding a seat in a hot-desking office?
32:01–37:07
7
What should you do if semen gets in your eye after laser surgery?
37:07–43:42
8
What is the etiquette for workplace collections, open gates, and accidental queefing?
43:42–49:44
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from Help I Sexted My Boss
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The Sexted Exam | And School Rumours
Help We’ve Gone Back To School | And William’s Shameful Secret