The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795

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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura 1h 32m 8 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What funny moments do Tom and Christina open with?

Tom Segura 0:00
Battle Creek, Michigan. I am coming to the Fire Keepers Casino on Friday, May 9th. Tickets go on pre-sale next week on Thursday, February 6th at 10 a.m. Eastern with the code TOMMY, T-O-M-M-Y. Later this week, Savannah, Georgia and North Charleston, South Carolina. Tickets and info is at tomseguro.com slash tour.
Eni 0:20
Welcome, welcome to your
Tom Segura 0:29
What's everybody? It's time for another podcast. We have a very exciting episode today. Jean, how are you feeling?
Christina Pazsitzky 0:36
I'm excited. There's going to be a snowstorm tomorrow.
Tom Segura 0:39
I'm taking huge dumps today.

What are the poop protocols discussed?

Christina Pazsitzky 0:41
You did.
Tom Segura 0:42
I had like waves of caca come out and I feel more ready. Isn't that crazy?
Christina Pazsitzky 0:48
When it's a surprise like that, when you sit down to make brown and then you get a bonus brown.
Tom Segura 0:52
Oh, it was just like... Yeah.
Christina Pazsitzky 0:56
Yeah.
Tom Segura 0:57
I feel like I took something to make it. I didn't take a laxative.
Christina Pazsitzky 1:00
Are you eating that bran?
Tom Segura 1:01
No. I took that. I tried that. Sean had told me, oh, try this all bran. And he measures it out like a lunatic. He's like, take exactly 17 grams or whatever. I'm like, whatever. I made a small bowl of it, and I was like, oh, my God.
Christina Pazsitzky 1:17
Because I've been eating that. I sprinkle it on my yogurt, and boy, does that make me...
Tom Segura 1:21
it was an emergency yeah but doesn't that make me feel lighter huh well yeah but i didn't do that so i just i got home late last night and then you know slept a little bit got up i don't even had i eaten yeah i ate a little i had a little bit i had berries and eggs oh eggs make you shit well this was i mean i thought i was gonna have a little boom boom and it was so much
Christina Pazsitzky 1:46
Yeah, and you know what's interesting is that normally I smell your brown. It has a very pungent, sour smell. Oh, stop. No, I'm telling you, I didn't even smell it today.

What happened during Charo's visit?

Tom Segura 1:55
Well, I had the flushing and the rinsing going the whole time. I was rinsing. And what I love about the washlet, the built-in bidets of modern society, is that you can wash as you shit, and then sometimes you keep shitting through the wash. Whoa. What? The spray will hit your asshole. What? And your asshole goes, what's that? And then you just keep shitting.
Christina Pazsitzky 2:18
Hold on, because I've often used the spray to stimulate my anal.
Tom Segura 2:21
That's what I'm saying.
Christina Pazsitzky 2:22
But then I'd stop the spray once the brown comes down.
Tom Segura 2:25
Oh, I'll shit right through it. What? Yeah, yeah.
Christina Pazsitzky 2:27
You're crazy. Who does that? Yeah. Why would you do that? Aren't you afraid you're going to cut it off or it'll spook it?
Tom Segura 2:36
No, no.
Christina Pazsitzky 2:38
I think it's too much stimulation for me, and I cut it off.
Tom Segura 2:41
It feels kinky. I like it. I like it. This is like, man. Anyway, I just feel like I could shit at any moment again. I really do. Seriously? Yeah, yeah.
Christina Pazsitzky 2:54
Do you think you ate something questionable last night?

Who is Jim Norton and what are his latest projects?

Tom Segura 2:56
I mean, I traveled. Who knows? Yeah. I ate right before we left. I had salmon and rice, which is fine, but you never know.
Christina Pazsitzky 3:05
You never know.
Tom Segura 3:06
You never know. It'll take a few days to adjust and then I'll leave again and then I'll shit crazy again.
Christina Pazsitzky 3:10
I know. I know. It's weird. I had a little irritation in my bowel too where something triggered it and I was just making soft browns for days. You know when something like irritates your intestines?
Tom Segura 3:22
Yeah.
Christina Pazsitzky 3:23
But it's kind of nice because then you're cleaning house.
Tom Segura 3:25
Yeah.
Christina Pazsitzky 3:26
It's cool.
Tom Segura 3:27
That's pretty cool. You ready to start the show? Yeah, of course. Let's do this real quick. Here we go, everybody.
Eni 3:33
Here you go. You don't think I want them nipples? Oh, Jesus. I want them nipples too. And your feet. Yeah, I want your feet. And them nipples. Them nipples looking at me right now. Come get me, Uncle Sean. Come get me.
Christina Pazsitzky 3:53
I thought you were going to play something different.

How does Jim discuss his marriage to a trans woman?

Eni 3:54
I'm looking at you, boy. I'm coming. Okay. Well, you got to bring it to me. You got to bring it to me. Yeah, you got to bring me them nipples. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.
Christina Pazsitzky 4:54
Tom, I have to say this before we get along. I mean, I'd like to change the topic to something a little more dignified. I don't understand why it's so funny to you. What's so funny? You got to bring me them nipples. Oh, my God.

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