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Chapter 1: What are the initial thoughts on celebrating significant events?
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Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots, we love you. All the MAGA fascists can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! All right. Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast. Pumps, what have you had it with?
So there's been so many things lately, but here's my number one thing I've had it with. Right now, as we sit here, you know, an hour, it'll be different. Okay. Not it. When you go to order, like where you're standing in line to order and somebody has a bunch of little kids, cause now kids are out of school and like each little kid orders and they don't know what they're ordering.
And it takes an infinitely longer time than if the mom just said, okay, Chicken nuggets with fries or whatever. The kid's like, you know, talks about the toy. I've just had it. Just like until your child can read fluently and speak fluently, order for them. Save everybody else because I just get sick of all these kids everywhere talking and making things last longer.
A follow-up questions. You mentioned chicken nuggets and toys. Were you at McDonald's when this happened? No, I wasn't.
But I'm just saying when I had children, I was gracious enough when we went to McDonald's every day to order their chicken nuggets and toys. That's the only thing I could think of.
But you also did your kids' homework.
Fair.
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Chapter 2: How does Jennifer feel about children ordering food at restaurants?
You had three kids. I had two. And your daughter was a chronic vomiter. Like, I mean, she was a toddler, but you would think she had been bulimic. She threw up all the fucking time. Everywhere we went, she's throwing up. And I remember we were at this Mexican restaurant called Chica's. We were the worst. We were the walking, breathing embodiment of everything that this podcast is about.
The I've had it. We were the white women with the snot-nosed kids. Yeah. And then just, and they were a nightmare. They were horrible. I'm sure we let them order. I'm sure it was a total stage five disaster. And I remember at the tail end of it, and there were people around us, like we were the only people with kids in there. It was a tiny little restaurant.
But we don't go super early too, right? And they were miserable, all of these people around us. There's no excuse for us walking in anywhere. In retrospect, with all those kids, I really hate us for it. There's no justification for walking. I think each kid had a friend, too. It was like a goddamn day trip from a daycare. It was pathetic. Nonetheless... everybody's miserable.
And I start seeing people leave. And then the coup de grace at the end was your daughter starts like, she would always kind of like start coughing, crying, and then vomit. And we have like a bowl of chips on the table and she just vomited right into the bowl of chips. And that's when I looked at you and I was like, I'm taking my kids and I'm leaving. Like we are terrorists.
We are domestic terrorists.
And we would go out at lunch to the pizza buffet and dinner. So we did it twice a day. We weren't content doing it just once a day. Because it's just when you have little kids, you just want out. You just want out of the house.
Yeah, you have to get out of the house. You have to wear them down. And unfortunately, you have to punish others. Right. Because you're punished at home. And then you're like, you know what? I'm miserable and I want company. And I'm going to go to a restaurant and I'm going to stand in front of this late 50s attractive woman from Oklahoma.
Right.
Mid-50s. Oh, I'm sorry, Pums.
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Chapter 3: What amusing stories do they share about dining experiences with kids?
Mid-50s. And I'm going to bring six kids and I'm going to let them take their time and lollygag as they order. And so I'm just going to say I hate it for you because, again, I like kids on a case-to-case basis. And all six of those kids that ordered before you, just in the spirit of friendship, I hate them. All six of them. Thank you. You're welcome.
But we do kind of deserve it with what we did when our kids were younger.
Thank you.
Especially me with the throwing up all the time.
She was the worst. Because Emily had a medical thing that she threw up. And then she got, she was a snot hole and threw up. Like she didn't get her way. So she could do it on command. And so I punished a ton.
I'm saying she was like a bulimic toddler on demand.
It really was.
She totally was. It was crazy. All right. So I have a story to tell you. It's not really as much of a grievance story. Because my life's so great, I don't really have anything I've had it with. Just kidding, listener. We live in Trump's America. I could go on. But I have an experience I want to share with you all. So Josh was in New York over the weekend, and we like to go exercise together.
I've had it with couples that exercise together. Anybody who wants to probably thought I'm 100% on your team, but we also know I'm a hypocrite about these issues. So Josh and I go to work out and we're working out with our trainer, darling gal, who's named Emily. And she's got these two boxes set up for us. You step up and down on them.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts reflect on their parenting experiences?
And he walks over to the guy and he goes, what the fuck did you just say to me? And Emily, our trainer, is going, Josh.
Josh.
And the guy goes, and the guy like mumbled, you can't be talking to people like that. And then Josh comes back and he goes, I'm telling you, buddy, I'm doing you a favor. If you say that to somebody else, you're going to get your ass whooped. I'm trying to help you here. And the guy goes, I don't need your help.
And then he walks up to this other guy who's minding his own business on the incline, the ab incline thing. Yeah. And this guy had like some weights down there because he was super setting something.
And this guy in the hoodie that just tried to pick a fight with Josh, who mind you is like 12 inches shorter than Josh and a lot smaller, goes up to that guy and he goes, you need to pick your shit up. So at this point, another trainer that works there, because the gym is like, it's like multiple stories.
Yeah.
So this gal was like, I'm going to go down and get the manager. So she goes down and gets a manager. And the manager comes up. And... During this time that they went to get the manager, we had convened with the guy on the ab machine and we had all determined that something was severely wrong with this person. Honestly, I didn't even notice him before.
I sure as fuck know that Josh wasn't staring at him with all of those mirrors in the gym. The only thing Josh was looking at was himself. You know? I mean, there's just a 0% chance that he was looking at somebody else in a mirrored room. Zero. 0% chance. And so then the manager goes up to him and Josh walks over to him again. And listener, you have to remember, Josh is a criminal defense lawyer.
His clients are unhinged a lot of times. They are either in prison or trying to prevent going from prison, drug addiction, mental problems, et cetera. Josh has an incredible patience level and an ability and a skill set to deal with with unhinged people like this. It's really remarkable.
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Chapter 5: What recent news stories do they discuss regarding societal issues?
I believe in second chances. Right. But objectively, there was something severely wrong with the kid. I just want to tell you this. When Josh threw his weights down and he walked over him and said, what the fuck did you just say to me? And Emily was like, Josh, don't. I was excited. It turned me on.
I was excited thinking that we had a big overall that you were going to talk about.
I loved it. I absolutely loved it that Josh can both be like a feminist, pro-LGBTQ+, the biggest supporter of human rights. He can cry in a movie. He can cry at a commercial, not afraid to show every inch of his masculinity, being vulnerable and everything.
But then when somebody comes over and threatens him in his space with his wife and our trainer, who's a young girl in her early 20s, he throws the weight downs and marches over to him. It was just fucking awesome. And it made me think that Pete Hexeth would never fucking do that. He would have run down the stairs of the gym to the men's sauna and gotten some sort of BJ or something.
Well, yeah, gotten out his Bible and, you know, read about all this stupid, crazy shit. Pete Hegseth, I don't know if you've seen this. You know, he's my favorite target of ridicule. And that's, I mean, that's, I have a plethora to choose from. But did you see, you know, he's Mr. Fat people can't be in the military, a la Donald Trump is the fattest one. He's the commander in chief.
He was trying to do pull-ups the other day and somebody videoed him. And I just, I loved it so much that he was having such a horrible time because he's such a big, tough guy. No, he would never, or what he would do is he'd let his wife defend him because he's such a pussy.
All of those guys, Pete Hegseth, Lil Marco, J.D. Vance, Donald Trump, Dom, Dom Jr., all of them, every single one of them in that situation would have not responded to that guy. Would have not, you know, and... They would have been like, oh my God, they would have run immediately and told and they would not have like gone, what the fuck did you just say to me? And like stood up man to man.
They don't have that in them. But they also at the same time don't have the vulnerability to show emotion and disappointment and anger. like a true raw vulnerability in front of other people, which to me is like a true form of masculinity. But I also read about the cage fighting thing they had at the White House.
I don't know if this is true or not, but I read it on the internet, specifically Elon Musk's free speech website, that they offered tickets to people in the military, but only of a certain height to waist ratio. They only offered it to skinny people. And then if you look at Trump, he's swollen like up like a bubble tick. I've never seen somebody gain weight. It's such a record click.
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Chapter 6: What are the hosts' opinions on the intersection of faith and politics?
I mean, he was demented, still lived. I mean, I know. Was he fat as well?
Was he fat as well? Did you be seeing any late stage photos?
No, he was super thin. I will say this about him. He evil as fuck, but he was really thin. Now, I don't know if he like ate like Donald Trump and all that, but he did live into his 90s.
Yeah, but weren't the last 10 years like full blown Alzheimer's?
Yeah, but we've got full-blown Alzheimer's right now. It's present in the United States. Touche. I mean, we're on the countdown.
Touche. We do. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. For those of you that are new here, I've Had It comes out every Tuesday and Thursday. It's a longer format, a little bit sillier, a little bit more lighthearted. If you want political news, we serve it up in bite-sized pieces every single day. seven days a week. And that podcast is called IHIP News.
So make sure you're subscribed there. Kylie, what you got for us? I've got two reviews for you. This first one is five stars titled Amazing But Beware. I love this podcast. I love everything about this podcast. I love everyone involved with this podcast.
What I don't love, however, is listening to an episode with my 73-year-old mom, who also loves this podcast, and having to explain what pegging is. At least we had a good laugh about it. Keep up the good trouble, ladies. Oh, my God. That reminds me, Pumps. There is this false reporting, like a fake post of Grimes. It's not real, but it's wildly entertaining. And it floats all over the Internet.
Grimes is one of the – she's the musician baby mama of some of Elon Musk's babies, right? Yeah. Yeah. And it's a tweet that that I believe has been proven to be false or some comment section. But she's basically like some of these Fortune 500 guys that own social media companies also like being pegged and also like recording it and also blah, blah, blah. And I found it the other day.
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Chapter 7: How do they critique the behavior of certain public figures?
Some even record it. Even if those videos were to leak, being a successful automaker or social media owner being ruthlessly destroyed shouldn't be the end of his career. And that person definitely shouldn't be mad at his ex because it was her video that got uploaded." So much to my dismay, I don't think that is real. But for like four or five minutes, I thought it was real.
And I felt like pre-Trump 2.0 joy. I really did. I felt like a joy that I haven't felt since like two years ago.
Yeah, that's amazing. God, I would just... The dirty secrets coming out of there of all these creepy people surrounding Trump. I mean, I bet they are... I bet it would take... Kylie would have to explain a lot of it to me, I guess.
Now that that has been suggested and put out there, I don't know that I'll be satisfied with just prison for these people. I literally want videos that they... thought were going to be their fun little things to have in their own private porn collection of them getting pegged publicly aired. Is that, am I a sociopath?
No. No, I think that's very, I think that's very normal. You know what that review reminded me of, Jenny? I don't. The parking lot of the preschool where the mom came up to you and was like, I found these in my son's room. What are they? Oh my God, you guys.
So, all right. So we send our kids to this preschool in Oklahoma City and it's like two or three days a week. I remember it was a Jewish preschool because then in September, I was so excited to get these kids back to school. And then they roll out like all these holidays. I'm like, I'm not prepared for this. I need for all these kids to be in school full time.
But nonetheless, I'm at carpool and you had to like park your car and then go stand at the door and then they brought you your toddler. Yeah. And this grandmother was picking up her granddaughter. And she reaches into her purse and says, Jennifer, I wanted to show you something. I found these in my son's room. What do you think they are? And they were butt balls. Like anal beads?
Yeah, anal balls. Butt balls. Yeah. I knew immediately that they were butt stuff. I mean, I knew immediately, but I'm standing here and she's like a grandmother and we're in front of the like synagogue, you know, and we're standing there. She's like, oh, Jennifer, I've been meaning to show you some of my family's and my son's room. What do you think these are?
And I was like, I think those are butt balls, Lynn. Her name was Lynn. She's so sweet. She's since passed away, but she was, and here's the great thing about Lynn. She was like, oh, okay. Well, I guess I probably shouldn't have picked them up then. And then she got her granddaughter and I got my son and we just went on.
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Chapter 8: What closing thoughts do they share about their experiences and future?
Yeah, that was great. That was funny.
Okay, last review. This one's five stars titled The Right Amount of Outrage. And Steph writes, this podcast platforms the correct amount of outrage on a daily basis while casting the correct amount of shade on the cruelty and hypocrisy of the GOP with the best humor too. Thank you for your service.
So nice. It's a really nice comment. The correct amount of outrage. So she starts with F doesn't think we're unhinged. So I like it.
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