“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
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Who are the hosts of the Subway Takes podcast?
What the fudge is up, everyone? It's your boy Kareem Rahma with another episode of the Subway Takes podcast. Today I am joined by none other than the big eggplant emoji himself, big eggplant emoji packer, Jay Jordan. who has performed on The Tonight Show at least three times, has been seen on The Late Late Show with James Corden, Comedy Central. Stephen Colbert was a writer on The Problem with Jon Stewart as a comedian, writer, actor. Jay Jordan, y'all.
Yes, you forgot Taurus. My birthday is coming up. Oh, shit. Congratulations.
Yeah. That's what I say to people. I say congratulations.
You know why? Because it deserves to be congratulatory. Make it in this world another year.
No, I agree. I mean, people always say happy birthday. I always say congratulations.
Thank you. That's very sweet of you. I'm happy to be back. Big eggplant. I would say... Above average eggplant, but based on my research over the past 15 years, there are much bigger and just, they're kind of, eggplants are all over the place. They are.
They're all over the place. They're all different shapes and sizes.
They really are. I found out about the Japanese eggplant. Oh, well, listen, well, I mean, the actual Japanese eggplant, but also for the for the kind of clarity of what we were doing. I've also seen those two. I've also seen Japanese. It wasn't even wasn't even pixelated.
It was so that so the Japanese eggplant, the vegetable. Yes. What does that look like?
Is it... It's a little... So it is skinnier and I think it has marbling. I think it's like one of the pretty ones.
Okay, beautiful. And then the penis. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess the penis is all, you know, every Japanese penis is probably a little bit different than the other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I... First of all, love anime. But... But my... my take on penises, and this is a take on your take, my take, penises, they're like three versions of your penis. Have you thought about this?
Of Kareem Rahma's penis.
There are three versions of your penis. I only know two. Okay. You know, okay. It's the default settings. I know soft and I know hard. Okay. But there's a magical place. The chub? In between. Soft and hard. Not just the chub. What I would refer to it as coming up, summertime penises. In the summer, your penis, because of the heat of New York City and because of the amount of hot people outside, it's always a little bigger. It's always a little thicker. So this is the time to wear the Speedo, which was my take.
I mean, I know your take. Let's play the take real quick. Let's play the take.
So what's your take? Every man should have to wear a Speedo to the beach at least once. Compulsory service, you have to wear a Speedo at least once. I've never done it, and I'll never do it. Why? Are you scared? Of course. No, you shouldn't be scared. You hear that? You hear that? That's the sound of thousands of women in the comment section saying, we're scared, but we have to be negative at the beach. Bruv.
Get naked. Not trying to be stereotypical, but you're probably packing heat.
No, no, no. A guy like me is not packing heat. Guess what? Guess what? We're going to see it anyway. Whenever you wear baggy swim trunks and they get wet and you get out of the pool, we see it anyway. No, you don't. No one sees it. There's nothing to see. We've all seen it. There's nothing to see. And plus, people aren't even looking at that.
I'm looking.
You're looking? Of course I'm looking. Okay, so this is an internal fear. Ooh, you got to conquer that. No. Wear a speedo. I'm looking around.
I'm seeing stuff that's meaty. Meaty? Real girthy, real meaty. Heavy. And then I'm looking down and I'm seeing... you know, maybe average, maybe below a little bit.
Comparison is a thief of joy. Imagine a world where we can all wear Speedos at least once and go, okay, that wasn't for me, but I got to experience it. If America wants public transit, if America wants universal health care, where are those things? Europe. What do they do in Europe? Speedos. That's what we're missing. Why are you advocating for this? Number one, I want people to be free.
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Chapters
5 chaptersSpeakers
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